


In un'altra Vita

by Kaillingme (Setty94)



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: And I attempted magical realism, Happy Ending, I promise the ending is happy, Light Angst, M/M, Magical Realism, Mystical, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 20:25:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13220568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setty94/pseuds/Kaillingme
Summary: Jongin stumbles across a cabin in the woods.





	In un'altra Vita

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhh it's done! Okay so I have been sitting on this fic idea since 2012 and then this lovely fest came around and I was like huzzah! A reason to finish this fic! Well, as it turns out this was the most difficult thing to complete because I rewrote and rewrote and changed pairings back and forth until this final product was born! It's the first fic in a long time that I blind wrote, so hopefully it holds up well! Happy reading~
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> [Also this song is for mood](https://youtu.be/sYFtwQkoutU)

Snow cascaded from above. Flakes danced and twirled languidly as the wind died down. The night sky was bespeckled with millions of stars and with every step Jongin took, there was a satisfying crunch. He brought his hands to his mouth exhaling on them and rubbing them together for warmth.

He saw the glow from a window up ahead and wished that he could go inside.  Lately, he never had a home to go to, always moving from shelter to shelter, city to city. Now, deep in the countryside, he realized that his best hope was that there was a kind person living in that cabin. Steeling himself, he made his way over to the cottage and peered in through the corner of the window.

He saw a small silver-haired man sitting in a leather armchair, wrapped in blankets, reading a novel, with a pair of round glasses perched on his tip nose. Jongin’s eyes caught the movement of the flames and he ached for warmth. As the nights grew colder with each passing day, he knew he needed to find shelter soon. He watched as the small man licked the pad of his finger and turned the page, a soft smile tugged the corners of his lips up. A few minutes later, his face bloomed into a 100-watt grin and his shoulders shook with laughter. He flipped the book over on his lap and chuckled for a few minutes. His eyes turning into perfect little crescents.

Jongin watched with curiosity and longing as the man turned slightly and reached for a steaming cup of (what he assumed to be) hot chocolate. The smaller man’s very slight Adam’s apple bobbed as he sipped from it. Jongin inched closer to the window and placed his hands against the glass. He could feel the warmth radiating through his thin, torn gloves. His shuddering breath created a spot of condensation on the warmed glass, fogging his vision.

As if the man had sensed Jongin, he glanced at the window and the bolt of electricity that passed through Jongin’s body when their gazes met, rooted him to his spot. He could not so much as blink. His mind went blank, his knees felt weak, and there was a crescendoing ringing sound in his ears. He was utterly spellbound.

They stared at each other, frozen forever in that moment, neither daring to break the connection. The wind picked up outside but Jongin did not notice the chill as it crept into his bones. He was completely absorbed by the slope of the man’s eyes, the way his luscious pink lips were parted in a small ‘o’, the way the book clattered to the ground, forgotten, the way neither could look away.

Slowly, the man walked over to the window. He pressed his hand against the glass and Jongin did the same. It was as if they were caught between a meeting of two worlds. Neatly trimmed nails versus the ragged chewed edges. Pale skin versus the tanned tone. Pampered versus the unwanted.

After what seemed like five hours, the man broke their contact and the moment they shared. Instantly, Jongin panicked and started to run in the opposite direction, towards the forest. What if the man wanted to report him? He’d be picked up and put back onto the streets in the city -- somewhere he did not feel safe. He only stopped when he heard the man call after him and turned to give him one last look of apprehension before he started running again.

He ran until his legs burned and his lungs wheezed for air. Past trees and leaping over roots and bushes. The only sounds he could hear were the crashing of his feet in the dense underbrush and his pulse, reverberating loudly in his ears. He tripped over a partially concealed root and threw out his hands to catch himself. A grinding sensation in his wrist told him that it was going to need medical attention which was something he definitely could not afford.

He cradled his hand against his chest and scanned his surroundings. He was in the middle of a densely packed forest, completely alone. It got worse when the last tendrils of sunlight faded away and the night set in seemingly before his eyes. Pushing himself to his feet, he walked in the same direction he was headed and found himself jumping at the slightest of sounds. He felt unwelcomed.

It must have been hours later when he tripped over a concealed hole and once again landed wrongly on his wrist. Hissing in pain and biting back tears, he pulled his knees to his chest and glanced up at the canopy above him. It was so dark in the forest. He could barely make out the edges of the duct-taped tennis shoes he was wearing. They had been falling apart when he found them in a dumpster in the last city, but they were in much better condition than his previous shoes, which had left his toes and heels exposed. They were also a size too big, but that didn’t matter to Jongin. He was used to it by now.

Teeth chattering and fatigue getting the best of him, Jongin closed his eyes. He knew falling asleep out in the cold posed life-threatening consequences, but he was just so tired. His eyelids drooped even farther despite the violent chills that wracked his body. He knew by the numbness in his toes that he could suffer from frostbite and tucked his legs even further under him. He was so cold. So very cold. Finally, his eyes closed.

A snap of a twig made his blood turn to ice. He wanted to bolt upright, but who knew what types of animals lived in the forest? Surely, it could not be something good. There was a deep growling sound followed by a soft ‘ _ shh!’ _ and then the man from the house entered Jongin’s view along with a black scruffy dog.

Once again, their eyes met and Jongin found himself immobilized. He watched curiously as the man slowly walked towards him, holding his hands up in the universal sign for no harm, and waited until he was close enough for Jongin to notice the otherworldliness about him.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” His voice was gentle and flowed like silk over Jongin’s frazzled nerves. He could not fight the feeling of wanting to run away. There was something about the man that screamed to his instincts, telling him to get himself the hell out of there.

The man reached out his hand towards Jongin, “Let me see your wrist.”

Intense primal fear coursed through him as he remained frozen. He let the man take his hand without wanting to, as his body no longer wanted to obey his brain. When their eye contact ceased, Jongin felt the hold on him recede. He watched in awe as the man pulled the holey woolen glove from his hand and pushed back his dingy sleeve. His fingers felt unnaturally hot to him as they lightly prodded the swollen joint.

“It seems you sprained it.” The man said thoughtfully, grazing the pad of his thumb over the now purpling bruise that was flowering on his wrist.

“W-who are you?” Jongin’s voice had finally returned to him.

“I’m Baekhyun.” He smiled and then slid his hand up Jongin’s arm and gave him a tug.

Jongin let the smaller man help him to his feet. He edged around the hole that had tripped him and followed Baekhyun numbly. He still clutched his wrist to his chest, but it was more out of fear than need. He badly wanted to run away, but his legs refused to grant him that wish.

It was a few hours later when they arrived back to the opening of the forest. The dog went around the back of the cabin and disappeared. Jongin watched it with no emotion aside from a tiny bit of apprehension. He was in a strange place, following a strange man, and if things turned sour...well, no one would come to his aid.

Once inside, the blast of warmth that hit Jongin reminded him of how cold he had been. He walked past a mirror and swallowed his surprise at his appearance. His lips were chapped and nearly blue, and his entire body was trembling. Baekhyun led him to a table and gently pushed him into a chair.

He returned later with a red first-aid kit, and a couple of thick blankets, which he draped over Jongin’s shoulders before setting up a makeshift workspace on the table. “I was a doctor.” He explained as he pulled out a roll of beige wrap.  _ Was. _ If Jongin was more alert, he would have questioned Baekhyun’s wording, but the cold had frosted his thoughts, leaving them sluggish and dull.

Jongin nodded, thankful to be in the warmth of his house. He watched as Baekhyun wrapped his wrist. His elegant fingers moved gracefully, but with clinical precision. It was almost too impersonal like Jongin was some kind of specimen in a lab that Baekhyun was tending to. 

Then, he stared at his wrist while Baekhyun went to put away his supplies. He was starting to warm up and with that, his mind was clearing and the panic set in. Here he was, in a stranger’s house, defenseless and out in the wilderness. If he got hurt, no one would know, no one would care.

Baekhyun startled him when he returned and Jongin regarded him sheepishly, feeling guilty for even considering that the man would hurt him. After all, he had bandaged his wrist and was offering him a place to stay, something most people would not even dream of… at least not for a person like him.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, and then I’ll feed you,” Baekhyun said gently, leading Jongin down the hall to the bathroom.

There was already a set of clothes resting on top of a large plush white towel. Jongin eyed them suspiciously but kept his thoughts to himself. His eyes widened in surprise when the sound of running water filled his ears and he looked over to see Baekhyun on his knees, putting the stopper in the drain and filling the tub with a sweet-smelling bubble bath.

His shoulders tensed as anxiety coiled around his neck. Jongin was not sure what the man wanted from him in return, but he knew that if it came to it, he’d pay him the only way he knew. He bit his lip as Baekhyun stood up, shaking the water from his hand, and gave him a once over.

They stood in the close confines of the bathroom, staring at one another with questioning looks. Then Baekhyun took a shuddering breath and stepped towards Jongin, who closed his eyes in preparation. He felt himself go numb inside as Baekhyun undressed him. He tried to cover the scars on his back, but one soft gasp from Baekhyun’s lips let him know that it was too late. He could never remember how he got them, but his parents had told him it’d been from an accident when he was a child.

Their eyes met again, both filled with inquisition, one timid, the other guarded. Then Baekhyun removed his own clothing and led Jongin to the tub. His intentions seemed pure; he only wanted to get the job done without making Jongin uncomfortable. However, it was too late for that as Jongin was at the epitome of discomfort which was only compounded when he caught a glimpse of the smooth, nearly perfect pale skin of the smaller man. His eyes trailed southward; there was a blemish on his midsection. A large angry pink scar right through his center. Jongin tried not to stare at it. He knew that would be rude.

They sat down, Jongin hugging his knees to his chest, bandaged arm resting on top, and Baekhyun with his legs on either side of Jongin. His breath was shallow as he picked up a sponge and began to wipe the grime from Jongin’s skin.

His touches felt different now. Not clinical or precise. They were clumsy and trembling, and to Jongin’s relief, they were tender. Neither spoke for the duration of the bath. Baekhyun’s eyes were forever widened as though he feared that one wrong touch would send Jongin flying out of the tub and into the bitterly cold night and he was right. Jongin was coiled so tightly, poised for escape at the slightest notion of trouble. Baekhyun scrubbed every inch of Jongin clean and even scraped the dirt from under his nails. No one had ever done that for him.

Baekhyun never met Jongin’s gaze though, he was consumed by his work and Jongin was not sure how to feel about that. Jongin watched as Baekhyun gave his foot one final swipe with the sponge and chewed his lip. He was not used to such gentle touches. He winced slightly when Baekhyun’s hand accidentally brushed his butt as he pulled the stopper from the drain. It had been an accident, but Jongin was too apprehensive to think clearly.

He stood with uncertainty and stepped over the edge of the tub and onto the cold tile floor, water pooling around his feet. His skin felt raw but clean; something else he was not used to. It was hard to get clean when he was limited to quick hand baths in public restrooms.

Baekhyun grabbed the towel and wrapped it around his shoulders once more as he led him to a bedroom. Jongin’s muscles tensed unintentionally and he felt Baekhyun’s hand leave his back. He figured it was now or never, at least the smaller man had cleaned him up before making him ‘pay’. 

Closing his eyes briefly, Jongin mustered the strength for what he had hoped he would not have to do. He sighed and opened his eyes, dread pooling in his abdomen. They stared at each other once more, an unsaid conversation passed between them and Baekhyun left the room after handing Jongin the clothes wordlessly.

Jongin dressed in contemplative silence. He still had the urge to run away, but it was less strong now that he no longer had to worry about using his body to repay the kind man who had done so much for him in the span of a few hours. He rubbed the thick, soft fabric between his fingers marveling at the texture and chewed on his lip as he padded out of the room. He found Baekhyun waiting for him in the hallway and gave him a timid smile.

The gesture was returned, a thousand-fold and the smaller man walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. “I don’t have much since it’s just me and Shadow, but I’ll heat up the leftovers if you don’t mind them.”

Jongin nodded his head. He did not care what it was or how much, so long as he was able to have a hot meal. It had been ages since he last had one and he could hardly remember what it was. He sat down at the table and watched Baekhyun flit from counter to counter, opening drawers and pulling out forks and knives and plates while the microwave heated the food. When it beeped, he removed the container and served Jongin a large helping of spaghetti.

“It was originally going to be kimchi spaghetti, but Shadow got into my kimchi supply earlier and ate it all.” Baekhyun murmured as he set the plate in front of Jongin. As if the dog knew he was being talked about, he sauntered in and sat at Jongin’s feet, looking up at him with the saddest expression the animal could muster.

Jongin stared at his plate for a few seconds before gathering a mouthful and savoring the richness of the sauce and the cheesiness of the parmesan. He closed his eyes as he chewed and breathed loudly through his nose, tilting his head back. It was the best meal he had had in a long time and he was only on the first bite.

Not too long after, Jongin had cleaned his plate. He let the fork clatter on the ceramic and leaned back against the chair contentedly. He felt incredibly full and could not decide if he would regret it later. He observed as Baekhyun cleared the table and washed the dishes, humming to himself quietly and could feel the food in his stomach being digested. The polite side of him knew he should have gotten up and helped his host.

He stood a little too quickly and felt sudden nausea. Covering his mouth with his hand, he ran to the bathroom and hurled the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. Baekhyun was at his side immediately, saying something, but Jongin was not sure what. He curled in on himself as another spasm rocked his shoulders forward. There was nothing left but bile in his stomach and his mouth burned and his eyes watered.

He reached up and flushed the toilet, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth and stood on trembling legs. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his skin and he felt worse than he did before. He felt ashamed for vomiting up the meal that Baekhyun had given him and couldn’t bring himself to look at him. Baekhyun started to pat him on the back but then stopped his hand midway in the air. He smiled crookedly and said, “I’ll make you some soup.”

It was nearly dawn when Jongin found himself curled up under the blankets. His body ached and his mind felt sluggish. There was a dip behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to see Baekhyun sitting on the edge of the bed staring out the window. Jongin bit his lip and Baekhyun sighed and pushed himself to his feet. He paused at the door and once again the connection of their gazes nearly floored both of them. Before Baekhyun turned to leave, Jongin whispered, “Thank you.”

Baekhyun smiled sadly, “You’re welcome.” He walked out of the room, the soft thuds of his footsteps fading.

~*~

Sometimes Jongin would dream of another life. One in which he had everything he ever wanted. He would still be in school and taking ballet. He would have a room to call his own, a roof over his head, and most of all, he would have a family to rely on, to talk to, to love. In other words, everything would be the way it was six years ago. 

Six years ago, he would have opened the front door of their blue and white Victorian style house, kicked off his shoes and padded up the stairs to his room on the second floor. He would do his homework until his parents would call him and his sister to dinner. He would tell them of his mundane day spent at the high school. Of the test he was certain he aced, of the girl that was giving him shy smiles all day, of the way his best friend was reprimanded for not paying attention as usual. He would keep from them the flutter of butterflies he felt for a particular senior at his school. The way he would watch him walk down the aisles laughing at a joke his posse had told him.

He would then argue with his parents about wanting to hang out with his friends on a school night, or over a not so savory grade he received on an essay he scrounged up the night before it was due. He would moan and groan over having to do chores such as wash the dishes or clean his room. Those times his dreams were of trivial things. Things that most people took for granted. Things that he wished he never lost.

Other times he would dream of what actually had happened. He would dream of stepping off the dock, returning from a school trip overseas, only to find, once he pulled up in his car, that his house was now a pile of ashes. His family had died trying to escape, their bodies succumbing to the flames, their cries for help going unheard. 

He would dream of the way the world spun around him and tilted sideways as he fell to the harsh pavement, tumbling into stunned unconsciousness. He would dream of waking up in front of the mound of blackened support beams of wood and the cold numbness that wrapped around his bones, around his soul, like a boa constrictor, slowly squeezing the life from him.

He would dream of his slipping grades and diminishing attendance. He would dream of that day he shuffled past the dance studio, feeling nothing but blackness inside of him. He would dream of his first night spent on the streets, having left the comfort of his best friend’s house. He would dream of the way his stomach churned and screamed out in hunger as he walked past the various food stands. At first, people were sympathetic to his situation and would toss him a rejected meal, but soon their kindness wore out and he was left to dig through the dumpsters of restaurants for leftover food they had discarded. He would dream of the rough hands that invaded his personal space, the rancid bursts of breath, the dropping of a few bills by his tear-drenched face as he lay there in shame and humiliation.

He would dream of the first time he awoke to the sharp pain of being kicked in the ribs by some scrubby looking kids trying to prove that they were tough. The series of punches that followed hurt just as much, if not more, as he tried to fight them off in his weakened and confused state. He would dream of how he had his shoes taken from him one night when he was jumped while passing an alley and of the way, he remained perfectly silent and let it happen, no emotion left in him. He was truly numb by that time.

He would dream of the cold that seeped deep into him and became him. He would dream of seeing the haggard, yet hardened expression he wore. The expression of a man who had given up on the world and those that inhabited it. Those were the dreams that plagued him the most. The ones that reminded him of the stark reality he now faced. The ones that sent him springing up at night, frightened and sobbing, body trembling.

When he awoke the next morning, rays of light cast an ethereal hue about the room. His mind was foggy from the events of last night. The silkiness of the sheets whispered against his skin as he slowly sat up and absorbed his surroundings. He watched the beams of light dance on his honeyed skin tone. A skin tone he had not realized had the faintest of pink undertones from being scrubbed clean of the dirt and grime that had accumulated over the years. He stood and ran his fingers through chocolate colored hair. A feat that had not been entirely possible a few hours earlier before the snags had been properly combed out and the frayed ends trimmed.

He yawned as he opened the door and padded down the hall. The cabin was silent in a comfortable way. After taking several wrong turns, for it was larger than it had been the night before, he arrived in the dining room. There was a note left in the center, elegant handwriting looping over the lines. The note told Jongin that his previous clothes had been thrown out after proving to be unsalvageable and that new ones had been ordered and should be there by the evening. It also said that breakfast had been put in the microwave.

At that, Jongin’s stomach growled and he walked over to the microwave and opened it. He stared at the food, his mouth watering, and pulled it out, not bothering to heat it up. In fact, he ate it standing in the middle of the kitchen with his fingers. Sticky with sweet syrup, Jongin licked each digit before placing the dish in the sink and rinsing it off. Unsure where it went and not wanting to snoop through the kitchen, he left it on the counter and walked over to the living room where he spotted the armchair he first saw Baekhyun sitting in.

Sinking into the plush cushions and picking up the novel that had been left on the coffee table, Jongin curled up comfortably and opened the cover. His gaze was immediately drawn to the multitude of different colored notes scrawled onto the margins. They were small little comments, remarking on the symbolism and meaning behind certain word choices, as well as little snarky quips about later events in the novel. His eyes then fell on the actual text of the book itself and before he knew it, he was caught up in the story. A story of a girl who had fallen in love with a ghost that haunted her house since she was a child. He even found himself enjoying the colorful commentary as well, smiling softly and even daring to chuckle every now and then.

It had to have been hours later when Baekhyun finally walked through the door, Shadow in tow. The onyx colored dog trotted over to Jongin and nudged his toe with his cold nose, tail wagging wildly. Jongin absentmindedly scratched the dog’s head, fingers tangling in the wiry fur, still lost in the story. He had almost finished the book when a different, human-sized shadow fell over his shoulder causing him to jump slightly at the close proximity of Baekhyun.

“Isn’t it good?” Baekhyun grinned as he tugged off his worn leather gloves and dropped them on the table. Distracted by the movement, Shadow sniffed them and then returned his attention to Jongin’s toes, which he had decided needed a thorough licking.

Jongin curled his toes and gently pushed the dog away as he gaped at the smaller man who seemed to have come out of nowhere. Granted, he was lost in the novel, but he still expected that he would have heard him approach.

Baekhyun shucked off his coat and draped it over the back of the loveseat next to the plush chair that Jongin was occupying. He sniffled and then began putting logs of wood into the fireplace. Soon the heat and the crackle filled the air and the pink tinge to his nose and ears slowly faded away.

Jongin glanced at the page number – 214 – and shut the book. He was not sure what to say and even if he did, his voice had decided that it would rather remain dormant for the time being. Scoffing in his mind at his ineptitude, his eyes followed Baekhyun’s movements. Those six years spent on his own had done wonders to his social skills, not that he had much to begin with, since besides his best friend and lunch tablemates, he was a loner.

Baekhyun finished tending to the fire and straightened himself to his full height, which was much shorter than Jongin’s, who he then glanced at, his face taking on a ponderous look. He turned and shuffled over to a door the younger man had not noticed before and disappeared behind it. He returned a few moments later, a stack of books balancing precariously high in his arms, and made his way over to the coffee table where he dropped the stack, harder than he intended, causing Jongin to jump again, and wiped his palms on his jeans.

“Sorry.” He then plucked the largest novel in the stack and handed it to Jongin. It was dog-eared and obviously well read, as indicated by the crease in the binding. “When you spend as much time by yourself as I do, you need something to pass the time.” He then pointed to the book in Jongin’s hands, “That one is my favorite, even more so than the one you’re currently reading.”

Jongin stared at him and nodded. He knew the feeling very well. His life, until recently, had been very lonesome indeed. Wandering the streets, hoping some kind soul would drop a few coins his way. He spent his time people watching, wishing that he could go back in time and not go on that school trip, in hopes that somehow, things would be different.

Baekhyun bit his lip and sucked a breath through his teeth. “Well, I’ll leave you to that then.” He lingered for a second longer as if he wanted Jongin to say something, and then with a sigh, he padded towards the hallway. Shadow watched him with one wary eye and then gave Jongin a long hard stare before rising to his paws and trotting after his master.

Jongin looked down at the two novels in his lap and sighed. He put the larger one back on the table and after another long glance at the mouth of the hallway; he settled back into a more comfortable position and let himself dive into the story.

A few hours later as the sun was dipping beneath the horizon, there was a knock on the door, and Shadow bounded over to the door, barking excitedly. Funny, he never barked when Jongin showed up the first time. Noting this, Jongin glanced up as Baekhyun skidded towards the door, wearing pink bunny slippers and a pair of deep green pajama bottoms with a matching t-shirt. He peeked through the peephole and waited until the man had disappeared before opening the door and bringing the boxes inside. Jongin wondered why he hadn’t answered the door, but couldn’t bring his tongue to work.

Curious, Jongin followed him to the dining room where he put the boxes down and began opening them. Various pairs of jeans were removed and soon shirts of varying types were being pulled out as well. Baekhyun placed them on the table, folded neatly and then moved on to the next box after taking out a dozen pairs of boxers and boxer briefs. He busied himself with placing all the various types of clothing on the table and then taking them to the bedroom to be put away. The entire time, Jongin watched him from the doorway, chewing on his lip, wanting to help, but not sure how to address him.

As if he read his mind, Baekhyun spoke, “Take these to the room where you slept last night and put them in the top drawer.” He handed them to Jongin, his eyes never meeting his curious gaze, as he continued to focus on unloading the boxes.

Jongin did as he was told and by the time he returned, Baekhyun was dismantling the boxes. He had a box cutter in one hand and began shredding them into tiny strips before dumping them into a bag which he carried to the front door and left it there. “Recycling man doesn’t come until Sunday.” He explained and then went over to the kitchen and began preparing a meal. 

Shadow soon made himself a permanent fixture on the floor, wagging his tail as he watched Baekhyun dart from counter to counter, various ingredients being chopped and cooked and steamed. Every now and then, Baekhyun would drop something on purpose and the black dog would crawl forward and eat it.

“Um, Baekhyun?” Jongin’s voice was barely above a whisper. He was hesitant and just speaking was asking a lot of him.

The silver-haired man froze mid-chop and turned his head slowly in Jongin’s direction. “You…did you just say my name?”

Bewildered, Jongin nodded and pursed his lips with uncertainty. Was he not supposed to say his name? Did he cross a line? His heart jumped into his throat, constricting his airways.

Visibly shaking his head, Baekhyun laid the knife down on the counter and walked over to Jongin and begged him. “Say it again, please.”

Jongin took a step backward. His back met the wall and panic rose in his chest. His eyes darted towards the nearest exit and before he could make another move, Baekhyun had begun walking backward, holding his hands up in surrender. He slapped the base of his palm against his head. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Jongin felt the panic leave him and the tension in his muscles receded. He stared at Baekhyun before leaving the kitchen and heading back to the living room, where the thick novel lay on the chair, half read. He could hear the smaller man sigh before the repetitive sound of vegetables being chopped resumed.

Shadow joined him soon after, and Jongin assumed that Baekhyun had finished cutting the ingredients. The shaggy dog sat at his feet and gazed at him the way most dogs do. With a look of adoration. It seemed as though Jongin had won the dog over in just under a day. Curling his toes into the thick fur, Jongin opened the book and let the room around him fade away as it was filled with the sounds of swords clanking and horses neighing.

~*~

After about a week of this routine: Jongin waking up, responding mutely to Baekhyun’s questions, reading several of Baekhyun’s books, and wandering around the house, he decided that his time was up and his stay over welcomed. He did not want to leave, for Baekhyun had been nothing but a perfect host, never pushing him to speak and deftly working around Jongin’s many quirks in an effort to make him as comfortable as possible. He really excelled at that. Jongin was beginning to get used to the soft, plush bed, rising at dawn to the sounds of nature instead of groaning himself awake from another nightmare.

In fact, since coming across this cabin, Jongin’s dreams had changed again. They were filled with small bursts of bliss such as eating a good meal, feeling the warming embrace of sunlight on chilled skin, the perfume of flowers, and gentle, loving touches from a faceless man who seemed to know him better than he knew himself. He was growing accustomed to this and that frightened him.

With that in mind, Jongin stood in the empty room, biting his lip as he debated whether or not he should leave. On one side, Baekhyun had never voiced any issues with Jongin being here, it actually seemed like the man was happy he was here with the way he doted on him. But, on the other hand, Jongin had learned over the years never to stay too long in one place. It was dangerous and surely Baekhyun would grow tired of him and kick him out. So, Jongin wanted to head him off before that happened.

Leaving the room with his mind made up, Jongin snuck down the hall, hoping Baekhyun wouldn’t mind too much that he was taking the clothes on his back with him. He packed nothing else for he felt that he could not steal from a man who had been so kind to him and made his way to the door.

Outside, the sun was blinding as it reflected off the snow that crunched under Jongin’s borrowed boots. He quickly looked from side to side in search of Baekhyun and after not seeing any sign of him, he set his path towards the trail in the forest. With the sunlight guiding him, this trip through the woods was much easier than his first night. He could see all the pitfalls and obstacles that had injured him and easily avoided them. Still, his nerves were on high alert and every foreign sound made him jump.

It had to at least have been half an hour later when Jongin heard barking in the distance. It made him pause, breath caught in his throat and back pressing against the rough bark of a redwood tree. The barking grew nearer and Jongin whipped his head around trying to find a way to escape. He had not wanted to confront Baekhyun, instead wishing that he could slip away without notice, but Shadow had other ideas as he bounded through the snow, straight towards a frozen Jongin, who he tackled to the ground, dressing his face in warm laps of his tongue.

A flutter began in Jongin’s heart and he found himself giggling under the dog’s weight and gently pushed him off. When he sat up, he saw Baekhyun staring at him in that curious way he always did before he broke into a soft smile.

“Shadow really seems to like you,” he said as he approached, whistling softly for the dog to return to his side.

Jongin only nodded, still having not found his voice when he was in the presence of this man. When he reached for Baekhyun’s outstretched hand, he felt a shock run down his arm and straight to his stomach. Looking up at Baekhyun in a new light made Jongin gasp. Rays of sun adorned his hair, leaving him with this ethereal glow from behind. Soft lashes fluttered as he blinked in surprise and soft pink lips parted as he began to speak and in that moment Jongin knew he was not going anywhere.

“What are you doing out here, anyway?” The cadence of Baekhyun’s voice breathed new life into Jongin’s body and he felt his face grow uncharacteristically warm despite the biting frost.

A gust of wind whipped their hair to and fro and Jongin remained seated in the icy slush, still enraptured by Baekhyun’s sudden angelic appearance. A strange feeling bubbled in his chest and Jongin furrowed his brows at the odd sound of his voice. “I-I was trying to leave.”

This time Baekhyun’s frown sent a stabbing pain through Jongin and the sunlight played on his skin, leaving him glistening and shining. He was almost painful to look at. Too beautiful. “Oh,” was all he said, hand still outstretched.

Shadow nudged Jongin’s foot and broke the spell, returning control to Jongin’s body and he finally clasped his hand around the smaller one and let himself be pulled to his feet. Feeling sheepish, he stared at the ground as he apologized. “I’m sorry, I just...felt like I overstayed my welcome.”

Snow swirled around them as another breeze wafted through the trees, dotting their clothes with flakes and causing Jongin to shiver. He followed the breeze as it snaked through the woods, carrying specks of frozen ice with it. It wound around a tree, traveling upwards and Jongin furrowed his brows. There was something different about this forest.

“Please stay,” Baekhyun said and the breeze died down.

When Jongin turned to look at him, he felt his stomach flip. He was comfortable here, more so than he had ever been in the last six years. Plus, Baekhyun was so kind to him. He figured that when the time came, Baekhyun would at least let him know when he needed to leave and Jongin knew he would. Because it was the least he could do for the man that had taken him in, against all odds.

~*~

The back of the cabin was home to a small greenhouse where tiny sprouts broke through the soil, reaching upwards towards the sun, soaking in its rays and converting it into energy they needed to grow. It was there that Jongin found Baekhyun, on his hands and knees, violently yanking weeds out of the ground by their stalks. One particularly difficult one required two hands and Jongin found himself cracking a smile as the smaller man grunted and pulled. Bits of dirt flew into the air as Baekhyun fell backward, weed and roots clenched in his hands.

It was only a few moments after, that Baekhyun had noticed Jongin perched by the door and stood up to beckon him inside. The greenhouse was much warmer than Jongin imagined, but it should not have surprised him as that was what greenhouses were for. His feet sunk into the soft earth as he plodded over to where Baekhyun was and knelt beside him, curious. He had never seen anyone grow their own food before.

Ever present as usual, Shadow loped over, tail wagging, carrying a stick in his mouth. He nudged Jongin on the side with it but darted away when Jongin reached for the stick. It seemed he wanted to play, but not give up the stick. Jongin found himself smiling a bit at Shadow’s antics.

“Typical dog,” Baekhyun laughed as he ripped another weed from the ground. He wiped his hand across his forehead, knocking his straw sun hat askew. He didn’t seem to mind as he never readjusted it but instead grinned at Shadow as the dog ran back out the door, stick still firmly in his jaw. He then lowered to his heels and gave Jongin a warm smile. “Want to help?”

Jongin stared at his hands, knowing he had next to no knowledge of gardening. He wanted to help Baekhyun, though, to prove his worth, so he nodded, staring after him when he left to grab another pair of gloves.

“These were too big for me, hopefully, they fit you,” Baekhyun said, handing him the pale yellow gloves.

The fabric was soft on the outside with a thin layer of rubberized paint on the palms and fingers, added for grip. Jongin slipped his hands inside, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The gloves were even softer on the inside. It was perhaps one of the nicer gifts he had received since the accident. He beamed at Baekhyun and replied, “Thank you.”

It had been about a week after the moment in the woods, and Jongin was starting to get the hang of this talking thing. He was still quite mute in comparison to most people, but he could at least voice some of his thoughts to the man that had taken him in. Yet, there was a quiet comfort in their dual silence and Baekhyun wasn’t the type to fill the air with useless conversation, which Jongin greatly appreciated.

“It’s nothing,” Baekhyun responded, a grin replacing the concern on his face. He returned to his kneeling position and pointed at a spindly plant, “These are what I’m pulling up,” he then pointed to the small sprouts planted in neat rows, “And these are cabbage, try not to damage them.” He reached up to pat Jongin on the back, but Jongin flinched unintentionally, so he settled for another smile and set to work.

Their conversation was stilted at first, mostly Baekhyun asking Jongin bits and pieces about his life before they met and Jongin answered him concisely, not wanting to give away too many details. He already had Baekhyun’s kindness so he did not want his pity. Soon, though after working in the sun, Jongin felt his tension ease and he gave his answers more freely.

“How did you find this place?” Baekhyun asked, adding another weed to his pile.

Jongin took a few moments to think of his response. He had not told Baekhyun that he was homeless or about the fire that stole his life from him, but something about the warmth that was spreading through his body made him want to. He looked up, into Baekhyun’s eyes and the words flowed out of his mouth like the current of a river. “I was just wandering and when I saw the light from your cabin I couldn't help myself.” He paused, eyes still locked onto Baekhyun’s curious, enticing gaze. “And, I was cold and you looked so warm and I wanted to be too.”

“Then, why did you run?” By now, Baekhyun had stopped weeding and was sitting on his heels again, hands in his lap.

Unable to stop himself from replying or from looking away, Jongin continued, “I was scared.” At the raising of Baekhyun’s eyebrow, Jongin elaborated, feeling similar to the way he felt all those nights ago. “Scared that you would hurt me or chase me down. So I thought I would make it easier on you and just...leave.” He was nearing dangerous territory, edging closer to the truth he was hiding, but instead of apprehension, he felt Baekhyun’s concern flow through him, as if he were some type of conduit.

“And go where?” The sun was doing the same thing it had done a week ago. Dancing off of Baekhyun’s skin until he looked too brilliant to perceive, almost as if he were translucent but also illuminated.

“Anywhere,” Jongin breathed, feeling his mind being wiped clean by the sight in front of him.

Gazing at him in awe, Jongin’s mouth went slack. He felt tendrils of something graze his skin, caressing him with the softest of touches and filling him with such a strong feeling of pure bliss that Jongin thought he had fallen asleep and was dreaming. He wanted to reach out and touch Baekhyun, to check if he was still real.

The moment stretched on for what seemed like hours. Jongin was frozen sitting on the ground staring at Baekhyun dumbstruck. All the while, Baekhyun was also still. It was as if he was holding his breath as the two of them gazed at each other. The moment was never-ending, seconds spinning into minutes, dancing into pregnant moments that gave birth to a small gasp from Jongin's lips.

Light played on Baekhyun, sometimes passing through him and other times filling him with an unearthly glow. It was spectacular, it was breathtaking, it was ethereal. He stood, or perhaps floated to his feet, and approached Jongin hesitantly, eyes searching and searching and searching for something... _ anything _ to give him the go-ahead to touch Jongin.

Gentle fingers touched sun-kissed skin and Jongin shuddered. It was almost as if the fingers passed through him, sinking into his skin and awakening every nerve on his face, igniting and inflaming the area with a dusting of pink and warmth.

Jongin reached to touch the wrist belonging to the ghostly Baekhyun and found him almost intangible. His pulse quickened and his eyes widened as he glanced down and saw how Baekhyun's delicate wrist seemed to shimmer translucently. He looked back to Baekhyun's eyes and again they froze, the moment deepening.

It was the first time Jongin had let Baekhyun get this close to him since his arrival. Where just a few moments ago he flinched away from even the friendliest of gestures from the man who had taken him in, now he was mesmerized by the curve of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the pinkness of his lips. For the first time in a long time Jongin felt... _ safe _ .

A cloud passed over the sun and suddenly Jongin snapped out of the trance he was in. His mind immediately returned to their conversation and his thoughts sluggishly churned in his head. His tongue felt lethargic in his mouth, slow to form the words he wanted to say, and his throat was dry. He swallowed mutely staring at the man in front of him wondering what had just happened.

Gone was the shimmering ghostliness of Baekhyun, only to be replaced by a strikingly corporeal man. His fingers felt heavy on Jongin's cheek and he turned away, leaving Baekhyun's hand to fall to his side limply.

Baekhyun’s face darkened and he tugged off his other glove, freeing his hand and placing his fingers to his lips to call for Shadow. The black dog entered the greenhouse somehow looking larger than before and circled around Baekhyun, nose firmly planted to the ground. When he looked up at Jongin, he wagged his tail excitedly and nudged his leg a few times with his wet snout.

"I should go start dinner," Baekhyun said finally, his fingers absently twirling in Shadow's wiry fur.

"Wait," Jongin started. He chewed on his lip, formulating the question in his mind before whispering, "What are you?"

Baekhyun stared at him blank-faced. "I'm a man, just like you."

~*~

_ I'm a man, just like you. _ The words spun and swirled in Jongin's mind in his every waking moment. He would try to read, and the words would find themselves on the pages, smearing away the text and dancing before his eyes. No matter how hard Jongin would blink, they would never fade away. After a short while, he gave up on reading and returned to wandering around the cabin, somehow finding new hallways and doors each day.

He had come to the middle of the hallway before he noticed one of those new doors. Instead of gingerly brushing the doorknob with his fingers, Jongin grasped the cool metal and turned it, slowly opening the door. The room was bare, wooden floor scarred by the apparent moving of furniture and faded in spots that dictated a previous tenant.

Jongin entered tentatively, barefoot touching the ground toes first and then finally planting his heel down. He paused and glanced over his shoulder, unsure if he was even allowed to be in this room at all. Confirming that Baekhyun wasn't near, he stepped into the room fully and stood in the center.

Just beneath his feet, the finished walnut was scuffed nearly white. He ran the pad of his big toe over the rough surface, mind wandering to all the possible causes. He spun around slowly, staring at the ground and following a particularly deep groove in the wood before his eyes flicked up.

Sitting in the closet was a small trunk, the outside was lined with a dusty leather and tiny golden studs running down the sides at even intervals. Another cursory glance at the open door, checking for any movement outside, and Jongin held his breath.

Perhaps he should not be snooping in Baekhyun's stuff, but after that day, Jongin had grown increasingly anxious at his choice of words.  _ I'm a man, just like you. _ The phrase floated through Jongin's head again, words ballooning within his mind until they exploded into smaller versions of themselves.  Why had he said it like that?

The leather was slightly ridged by the latch holding the trunk closed. The metal was icy to his touch and Jongin had to use both hands to pry it up. It creaked loudly with every inch it moved and Jongin's heart thudded loudly in his chest. He glanced at the door again, unsure of where Baekhyun had gone since he had yet to see him once this morning and the sound should have surely gotten his attention.

The lid flew open with a loud bang as it slammed into the closet wall and Jongin cringed, squeezing both eyes shut as his pulse quickened. He opened one eye and looked over his shoulder at the door, but nothing, not even Shadow was there. He exhaled and leaned forward, taking in the contents of the trunk.

Inside the trunk was a single photo album with the label,  _ The Byun Family _ inscribed in flowering golden letters. Jongin reached in and pulled it out, blowing the dust off the cover and then resting back on his heels. The album seemed to vibrate in his hands, sending soft shocks through his hands, up his arms, and ending in his chest where is spidered out along his veins and nerves. He felt electrified.

Slowly, Jongin situated himself on the ground in front of the trunk and placed the album between his now straddled legs. He had a feeling this would give him some answers, but to what questions, he did not know.

The cover flew open of its own accord and the door shut with a sudden loud whistling of wind. Jongin's breathing stuttered and he tried to look away from the album, but his body would no longer respond to his brain. He stared down at the first page and read the short note:  _ In loving memory of the Byun Family. _ A strangled gasp left Jongin's lips.

The next page flipped and there was a single black and white picture of a small family of five. A mother, a father, two young girls and a single son. They all shared similar features -- downturned eyes, small lips, soft sloping jawlines. The only peculiar thing about the picture was the clothing they were wearing.

The mother and father were dressed in immaculate robes, a tall hat adorned the father's head, making his stoic expression look regal but also grave. The mother's hair was styled intricately and dressed with small crystals that started at the center of her parted hair and hung in small loops that disappeared behind her head. Each daughter was styled similarly, faces poised but innocent. Then, there was Baekhyun, hair styled neatly and long. A small headdress and an expressionless face. His robes were darker than the rest of the family's, muted tones that nearly faded into the background.

Jongin stared. His mind was buzzing, constantly filling with new information and questions but absolutely no answers. He tried to move his hand, and after a slight struggle, he was able to turn the page. His fingers fell from the page as he gaped.

Instead of the whole family being pictured here, one of the daughters was missing. The four of them were posed again, in similar clothing and similar expressions. Once again, Baekhyun's garb was more muted than the other members of his family.

The photo album flipped several pages on its own once more and revealed a more modern portrait of the Byun Family. The picture was in color and the missing daughter had returned, this time with the addition of what Jongin presumed to be a spouse. The whole family was smiling, even Baekhyun and the icy part inside of Jongin melted.

He reached to touch the photo but his hand slipped through the album, making it fall apart into millions of particles that swirled and danced into the air. He tilted his head back, watching it as it spun and then finally hurtled back to the trunk, slamming it closed with a rattle.

The door opened with a soft hiss and within moments, Shadow and Baekhyun were at the door, standing completely still. Jongin stared wide-eyed and frightened by the blank expression on Baekhyun's face. Had he crossed a line?

Baekhyun walked in hesitantly, eyes gliding over Jongin's position on the floor to the trunk and then back. "I see you've found the trunk. It's been a long time since the house has shown someone this room."

Jongin furrowed his brows. His voice was dry and he had to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to speak. "What do you mean?”

"Never mind me," Baekhyun said with a chipper smile. He reached down towards Jongin and pulled him to his feet. "Let's go for a walk."

 

Snow cascaded from the sky, twirling, swirling, whirling on the breeze and decorating the gray-white ground with an almost blue hue. Jongin hugged the new coat that Baekhyun had ordered for him tightly around him, staving off the chill. His feet sunk a few inches with each step so he had to lift his legs a bit higher as he walked.

Ahead, Shadow loped about, smelling the snow and chasing a few scattered snow rabbits as they ventured from their burrows in search of food. Baekhyun plodded along beside Jongin, his boots crunching the snow and breaking the quiet between them.

Jongin watched him from the corner of his eye, unsure what to ask him, or how to phrase his thoughts, but Baekhyun did that for him. He inhaled deeply before letting his breath exit with a plume.

"Tell me what you saw," he said. His eyes were trained so hard on Jongin that he thought he was going to combust.

"P-pictures of you and your family," Jongin replied. He stopped walking and looked around him.

They had reached a clearing, the same clearing where Baekhyun had found Jongin all those nights ago. Jongin stared at the strange man, knowing he had very little knowledge of the man, but also too much. Part of him wondered if Baekhyun had brought him out here to leave him behind...or worse.

Above, the clouds cleared and the moonlight shone down brightly, making everything glitter and sparkle. The gentle dusting of newly fallen snow on the foliage shimmered, the ground seemed to glow an unearthly blue and when Jongin looked back to Baekhyun he had become ethereal again.

The moonlight made him shine, much differently than the sun did. It was fainter, more akin to a nighttime star that twinkled and pulsed. Baekhyun’s light did the same. It glowed brighter on his face, extenuating the shape of his features. He was incredible to behold.

"I see," Baekhyun said. He approached Jongin and stood in front of him. "How is it that you always find your way back here?"

"I- what are you saying?" Jongin sputtered. He stepped backward, fear rising in his chest. What was Baekhyun -- this stranger -- talking about?

Baekhyun smiled. A gust of wind knocked off the beanie he was wearing and his silvery tresses whipped about in the wind. Jongin watched, feeling a strange feeling in the back of his mind. This scene felt familiar in a way that Jongin could not place. He saw flashes of an older, fainter moment in time and squinted trying to focus on it.

_ The winter had been harsh to the Byun Family. The youngest daughter, Jiyeon, had not made it back home in time for the portrait to be painted. Papa Byun had tried to stall as much as he could, but the painter only had so much time before he moved onto the next family. This was the first indication that this day would change Baekhyun's life. The second was what happened after the portrait was painted. _

_ Baekhyun stood in the middle of the clearing, begging the tanned man not to leave, but he had refused. They stared at each other, the wind whipping their hair in every which way. Tears pooled in Baekhyun's eyes as he pleaded again, but his words made no change to the statuesque man in front of him. _

_ "Please," he whispered, arm stretched out, but his fingers grasped only cold air. _

"Please," Jongin repeated, feeling a prickle in the back of his eyes and a tightening of his throat.

As his eyes came back into focus he realized Baekhyun was staring at him, eyes wider than before and his lips parted in mild shock. Jongin took another step back and Baekhyun took one forward. Two questions danced on his lips.  _ What was happening to him?  _ and  _ Who was Baekhyun? _

The moonlight brightened and the veins that sat just beneath the surface of Baekhyun's skin seemed to grow darker in contrast. They fanned out along his jaw and a few striking ones framed his eyes in tiny little spindling, jagged lines. His gaze was cautious but pained. He stepped towards Jongin again, his face full of concern and his hands outstretched, fingers splayed.

Jongin didn't move, he let Baekhyun come in contact with his coat. He felt the fabric gather beneath Baekhyun's hands and gaped at him. His glow was so strong now, so bright. However, his eyes were so dark, so consuming and Jongin was falling into them, spiraling downward, end over end until he saw nothing but blackness.

~*~

There was something magical about the forest, Jongin decided. He stood inside the room that had belonged to him since his arrival and gazed out into the dark woods beyond the window. The snow was beginning to melt, indicating the first hints of spring around the corner. Piles of dirty slush lay collected at the bases of trees, and new tiny little buds began appearing at the ends of branches.

After that night in the forest with Baekhyun, life had seemed almost dull in comparison. Nothing out of the ordinary happened inside the cabin. In fact, the cabin seemed much smaller now. The winding hallways were gone, replaced by a few narrow, dimly lit passages that led to many dead ends. Jongin wondered if he had done something wrong, but Baekhyun had assured him that the house had moods that changed with the weather and apparently spring was its least favorite season.

He always spoke of the house as if it were alive and in a way it was. For as long as Jongin had been inside the cabin it had felt welcoming, like returning to somewhere familiar. He had never felt too cold or too warm while inside. Whenever he had returned after a few hours outside, the house seemed to greet him almost, with a feeling of belonging and Jongin had been thinking he was imagining it. But, alive or not, he liked living here and as mysterious as Baekhyun was, Jongin was growing used to it.

They still had their stretches of silence, punctuated by the turning of pages as they both read by the fire on most nights. They had, even more, conversations, however, and after Jongin had woken up that night, Baekhyun had simply told him he’d been dreaming. Jongin hadn’t believed him, but he was okay with that too. He was beginning to accept that things were not quite normal here. In a way, it comforted him.

A sound from behind Jongin caused him to spin around and he found Baekhyun hovering just outside the door with Shadow pressing his face eagerly between his leg and the frame before wriggling his way inside and planting his cold nose against Jongin’s hand.

“I’m going out into the woods for a bit, if anyone knocks on the door, do not answer it,” Baekhyun said and then snapped his fingers. Shadow returned to his side and gave Jongin a forlorn look and a low howl.

“Why?” Jongin asked, apprehension building in his shoulders. Baekhyun’s words sounded ominous.

“Just promise me you won’t open the door,” Baekhyun replied and started walking away. He paused, his eyes growing shadowy and dark. “If it says it’s me, don’t trust it.”

Jongin stumbled after him, but his door shut and when he tried to turn the knob, it wouldn’t budge. He rammed his fist against the door, screaming after Baekhyun, but the only sound that greeted him was the slamming of the front door. So this was it. This was what he got for staying in one place for too long. He knew it was too good to be true. He should have run when he had the chance and now he was locked inside a house that seemed  _ alive _ while the man who had taken him in was acting stranger than before.

Perhaps he was in some type of horror film. He knew it wasn’t so because his life thus far would have been over long before now if that were the case. He slumped against the door, feeling the hard wood against his back and shoulders and stared from his spot out the large window.

In the melting snow, Jongin caught sight of the silver-haired man and his dark blotchy dog enter the trees and disappear. Instantly a fierce wind picked up, lifting the slush from the ground and hurling it against the trees. The trunks swayed violently and an eerie light began to emanate from within them.

Jongin rose to his feet slowly, heart hammering in his chest. He rubbed the back of his hands against his eyes to check if he was actually seeing what was in front of him, and when he opened them, the scene was unchanged. The light seemed to grow brighter, spilling from behind the trees in strangely shaped tendrils that lapped at the ground. 

The beams of light seemed sentient as if they were searching for something. Jongin watched as they bled around every bush, every rock, illuminating everything in its wake and turning the world into a blinding grey-scale. As the light approached the house, Jongin felt it shrink away. Something about the light seemed to draw fear into the walls, making the apprehension palpable in the air.

Tendrils snaked towards the window and suddenly the door flew open and Jongin wasted no time dashing out of it and into the hallway. The house seemed to be telling him something. The room door shut, and Jongin was plunged into darkness for a moment before a single light at the end of the hallway came on. He reached towards the wall and gazed uncertainly back at the room door.

At the end of the hallway, the light flashed twice and Jongin started towards it, padding softly. He reached the spot and was plunged into darkness once more before the next light came on and he turned. The hallways were growing increasingly narrow and by the time he reached the end of this one, he had to walk sideways.

He squeezed through and ended up in front of a small door, just a tad shorter than his height. It swung open before he could reach for the handle and he stepped inside. On the walls were portraits. Similar to the ones that Jongin had seen in the album, only this time they were huge and most of them were marred. Where the faces of Baekhyun’s family once were, were now blackened burnt holes. Only Baekhyun’s face remained untouched.

Jongin moved through the room, reaching out and touching the tapestries the paintings were on. They were rough in some places and smooth in others. When he ghosted his fingers over one of the scorched faces, he jerked back, fingers coming away blackened and warm. He froze, lip caught between his teeth and his heart slamming against his chest.

Slowly he turned, drawn to the portrait at the end of the room. It was glowing. Jongin stopped in front of it, watching as the details gradually came to the surface. At first, all he could see were the spotted trees, green and white, in the background. It was faded at first, but the longer Jongin stared, the more he could see two figures in the portrait. The first, he recognized immediately as Baekhyun. His silver hair was unmistakable, but it was styled in a slight wave, leaving part of his forehead exposed while the rest fell around his ears and face. Instead of robes like the majority of his portraits, he had on a simple white ruffled blouse that closed tightly around his neck and billowed from his body.

Next to him, Jongin began to see a different man. He appeared from the bottom up, his clothes matching the same style as Baekhyun’s. A billowing, ruffled top that closed just under the man’s familiar chin. Then the rest of his face appeared. A defined jawline, plump lips, high cheekbones, deep, fathomless eyes, and finally chestnut brown hair. It was him.

Jongin inhaled sharply, tripping over his own feet as he stumbled backward. It couldn’t be. He fell to the ground and scrambled backward until he collided with the wall and used that to bring him shakily to his feet.

The house was magical, that was all. Jongin had come across a magical house that painted its own paintings. It wasn’t totally unheard of and with the way things had been since he arrived, he had grown used to the oddities of the house and its owner. He blinked hard and then stared at the portrait at the end of the room with a hummingbird heart in his chest trying to break free.

It was no longer glowing. 

 

_ Jongin... open the door… _

He peeled his eyes open, one sticking shut from sleep and the other completely blurry. He wasn't sure when he had lost consciousness, but something about the house felt different now. Apprehensive. He sat up, back aching from the awkward position on the floor, and blearily gazed around the room. The walls were bare.

He wondered if he had dreamed of the portraits, his mind coming up with something fantastical to fill in the blanks of what had become a comfortable life. He was no longer on the streets, worried about where he would get his next meal or if he would have somewhere safe to sleep at night. Instead, he had hot meals, soft pillows and warm blankets, that had lulled his mind into a kind of complacency that allowed for his imagination to flourish.

Of course, it would come up with farfetched phantasms. He had been reading so much since he arrived that he was blending reality with fiction. He chuckled softly to himself, presuming that he had simply sleep-walked to his current location. He used to do that as a child. He would wander from his room to his parents’, his sister’s, or sometimes the kitchen and would awaken confused and startled to inviting and kind faces.

The memory of his family brought a heaviness into his heart and he sagged against the wall wishing that somehow he could still turn back time. He would give anything to see them again, to hear their voices, to smile with them, to feel their embrace. He was longing for human contact, something he had shied away from after years of neglect.

Perhaps it was Baekhyun who brought back the vague humanity into his being, or maybe the house. Having a constant roof over his head did wonders to him. He felt safe here, in this strange house that sometimes changed and sometimes came to life. He felt safe with Baekhyun...mostly. The man had done nothing to warrant Jongin’s mistrust other than his strange behavior from before, but everyone had their secrets.

Soft knocking from somewhere distant in the house assaulted Jongin's ears and he forced his sore muscles to pull him to a standing position. It hurt at first, stinging deep in his hamstrings, but after a few shakes Jongin pushed the door open and found himself standing in the living room. He shuddered before taking a step into the darkened room. Something felt foreign now and sinister undertones bleached the atmosphere.

Jongin’s pulse quickened and his breath came out in tiny visible puffs. He wasn’t just cold on the inside, but now on the outside as well. He hugged his arms around himself, teeth chattering and mind growing sluggish with each ticking second. He started towards the windows to open the shutters and check if Baekhyun was outside them, but with each step, the room grew longer. Apparently, the house did not want him to do that.

The knocking sounded again, this time more urgent and Jongin could tell it was coming from the front door. He wasn’t supposed to open the door. Baekhyun had warned him that whatever it was that was outside, he needed to ignore it. Vaguely in the back of his mind, he considered this whole thing to be nothing but hogwash, a nighttime terror told to him to keep in in check while Baekhyun was out.

It could have been for any reason, really. Jongin knew that Baekhyun enjoyed his company and he enjoyed Baekhyun’s in return, but the two skirted around each other’s histories, each other’s demons. He stared at the door, feeling as though Baekhyun’s warnings had been for naught but to keep him inside on this frigid night.

He wasn’t going to leave, not yet anyway, especially because Baekhyun had been so kind and so patient with him, but Jongin had questions and Baekhyun had all the answers. Maybe if he just followed after him, he could find out what it was so strange about this man who took him in. He started for the door but paused as every nerve in his body seemed to sear out of existence.

When the whisper caressed his ears, he shuddered.

_ It's so cold out here, please open up… _

Terror iced down his spine in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck and arms stand up. The voice sounded like Baekhyun, but the tone was all wrong. It was almost...hollow? He pulled his arms around himself and hummed quietly, trying to force the hiss of the whisper from his head, but it grew and grew and grew until pain blossomed behind his eyes and he was forced to his knees. He had to ignore it.

_ Open the door, Jongin. Let me in, Jongin. I want to be together again, Jongin. _

Jongin shook his head, hands clamped over his ears and his eyes screwed shut. But the voice was coming from within. He could almost feel it. Snaking up his digits, twining around every pore of his skin and seeping inside. His body rose from his crouch and headed towards the door.

In his mind, he was screaming, crying out for his arm to stop moving, for his fingers not to wrap around the cool metal surface of the knob, but it was too late. He couldn't even feel the ornate surface in his palm. He couldn't feel anything other than horror at his lack of control over his own limbs. He was nothing but a prisoner within his body.

He saw the snow more than he felt it. Small flakes were gliding down from the sky but his attention was now on the dark shadowy figures that were slipping inside the house. For a long moment, he stood rooted in the doorway as the incorporeal mists passed through him to get inside. Then, as if waking from a deep sleep, every nerve in his body came to life, exploding within him, bringing feeling back to his joints, his muscles, his skin, and his bones.

He fell to the ground in the doorway, heaving, and grinding his nails into the porch. Baekhyun had given him one request, but he had failed. Against his own wishes, he had brought something dark into the house. He could tell in the way the house itself shuddered, floors creaking and groaning. It was the first time he had heard it do that. Before his eyes, the wooden frame dulled and splintered, aging impossibly fast. What had he done?

There was a loud crash inside and Jongin sprung to his feet, tearing down the halls, feet moving from memory to the small room he had been in before. Instead of narrow crooked hallways, the cabin had replaced them wide, brightly lit expanses that took entirely too long for Jongin to cross.

Time slowed to a near stop as Jongin approached the room. The door was no longer just shy of his height. In its place, was a grand, finely carved mahogany door with intricate designs that resembled falling snow. The rest of the wall, however, was blackened, marred with oozing, swirling darkness that pushed the door open and slipped inside.

Thick inky shadows loomed in the room, swelling and writhing until they fixed themselves to the blackened spots on the paintings. The gnarled tendrils wriggled into the holes and slowly each face began to mend. Threads of canvas laced together, color blossomed to the surface and slowly, the frames began to emanate light.

Jongin watched as a single pale finger extended from the portrait, followed by a thin delicate arm shrouded by a beautiful sleeve of patterned flowers and vibrant colors. The rest of a young female emerged from the painting until she was standing in front of Jongin, her eyes completely white, but slowly the dark irises appeared. She tilted her head and a devastatingly beautiful smile adorned her lips.

"Hello Jongin," she said and then the door behind them shut.

"Who are you?" Jongin croaked, feeling his flight or fright instincts kick in. His eyes darted to the smooth wall behind him and he swallowed. Whoever this was, they were not human.

"I see you haven't gotten your memories back yet," she said. Her robes fluttered around her as though a gentle spring breeze had wafted through the room. 

She was translucent, fading quickly as the darkness that had poured into the portraits began to ooze out, leaching away their faces until nothing but the burnt marks remained. Her skin shimmered and with a forlorn look to the door, she approached Jongin quickly, arms open and hands shaking. She hovered in front of Jongin and sighed.

Her features softened and she reached out and her hand passed through Jongin’s cheek. A soft gasp left her lips and she shook her head, “I can only hold them back for so long, but please, tell Baekhyun that Mother misses him.”

Just outside, Jongin could hear Baekhyun's hoarse voice pleading, begging for entrance to the room, but it was so distant, so faint. He stepped backward towards the wall and felt himself slipping through it, but the woman reached for him and everything swam.

It wasn't quite what Jongin would describe as pain. Perhaps it fell under discomfort more than any other word. In any case, whatever it was, it pulled Jongin hard, sucking the air from his lungs, yanking the thoughts from his mind, wiping him clean until he was nothing but a blank slate. A perfect conduit.

_ He was falling. Hurtling quickly towards something he was not quite sure, but when he opened his eyes, the world had grown sepia. He looked down at his chest, noting that he was wearing the outfit from the portrait. The air around him was freeing, allowing his lungs to expand fully as he inhaled. It lacked the faint scent of pollution, instead replaced by a strong earthy smell. _

_ Jongin stepped forward and the world shimmered a bit, a ghost of a more modern scene before him, but when he stopped, the sepia tone remained. He watched as Baekhyun exited the front door of the cabin and came towards him, a lilted smile on his face. _

_ "Are you ready? Mr. Doh is here to take our likeness," Baekhyun said as he approached and then twined his fingers into Jongin's. "It'll be our first." _

_ Jongin nodded slowly, his eyes wide. Part of him knew exactly what was happening, but it was a small, shriveled and gray form in the back of his mind. He let Baekhyun lead him to the front porch and took his seat next to him on one of the wooden stools. _

_ He glanced at the small painter who was setting up a table of sorts next to the easel. On the surface lay several metal tools that looked more frightening than anything else. Yet, nestled in between them were various brushes and paints. Jongin furrowed his brows, but Baekhyun simply gave him a squeeze of his hand. _

_ "It only hurts the first time, but soon, you'll grow to endure it," he said. _

_ Jongin nodded, a nervous smile on his lips as the man began sketching lightly on the canvas. He made grand sweeping motions of his arm, wrist flicking here and there and his bottom lip clamped between his teeth. He worked silently and quickly, almost at impossible speeds until after what could only have been twenty minutes he beckoned Jongin to stand in front of the canvas. _

_ He lifted one of the metal tools and turned in over in his small hands. When he looked up at Jongin with wide owlish eyes, he smiled sadly and said, “Welcome to the family, Jongin.” _

~*~

Jongin dreamed that in another life he had loved Baekhyun. It was a fantastic thing filled with butterflies in his stomach, an eagerness to pass him by on the streets, the want to feel his lips upon his, hear his name fall from his mouth in their most private of moments. It was fantastic and sad. For as soon as he had the mind to realize who Baekhyun was to him, the dream would shift, and he would be thrown back to his unknowing state, all the while feeling a draw to him.

In the dreams, they would meet in town where Jongin would have been loading the back of a wagon while Baekhyun and his family were ushered into a beautifully ornate and covered coach. The horses would change color depending on what sequence he was dreaming the dream, but they were always solid with no markings and would hoove the ground impatiently while they waited. 

The Byuns would always be local royalty, always kind and somehow never aging. They would be immaculately dressed and donning stoic but pleasant expressions that somehow saw everything but also nothing at all. There would always be a moment where Baekhyun and his father would wait while his mother and sister boarded and he would catch Jongin’s eye. That moment would seal their fate, blessing Jongin with the same curse they all endured.

In the dreams, Jongin would watch as Baekhyun boarded, solidifying his need to get closer to him, but unsure how to go about it properly. Yet, it never stopped him, because somehow, they would meet again and Jongin would be tied to Baekhyun for all eternity. Choice was never an option because dream after dream after dream would end the same.

Their love had been powerful. Strong enough to create huge gusts of wind that leveled towns and stripped the earth of all its features. Nothing could stop them, nothing dared to stop them. It was as if it had been carved in the heavens, forever linking their fates together. A meeting in the town had led to meetings in the forest, which led to stealing away into the night under the stars so that their fingers could lace, their shoulders brush, their digits tangle through silken tresses as they spoke of adoration.

Their love had been tumultuous. Wild, and forbidden by all of society. It was kept secret, locking them into their dark shadows and forcing their actions to linger just over the edges of propriety. In public, every watching eye would follow the proximity of their arms while they strolled through town. They would drink in Jongin’s new wardrobe, his new favor placed on him by the local prince. To their eyes, Jongin had become one of the Byuns, but what the dreams never showed him was how true that was.

It was with these fading dreams lurking in the recesses of his mind, that Jongin found himself standing in the hallway leading to Baekhyun’s room. More and more he called this place his home, but he had yet to ever enter where Baekhyun slept. He touched the frame, thumb running over the smooth grain. The cabin had returned mostly to its original quaint state.

The door lay open, moonlight spilling in from an open window, pooling around edges of the bed, climbing up the sides and resting on the figure who laid in the middle, eyes closed and silvery hair reflecting. He hovered by the frame, uncertain if he should enter, but drawn nonetheless inside. With each step, familiarity poured into Jongin. He had been here before in the dreams.

Baekhyun’s room was remarkably bare. Aside from the bed, there was a single nightstand with a half-empty glass of water perched on it and a small cushion for Shadow to sleep on. Of course, the black dog was in the bed near Baekhyun’s feet. Jongin let his fingers brush the very edge of the bed before he pressed his palm flat on the soft sheets.

He saw dual scenes before his eyes. The current scene where Baekhyun was sleeping soundly, silver hair mussed and face lax. His chest rising and falling slowly deep in his sleep. In contrast, the hazy phantasm that struggled to take over was of a different nature. Jongin saw the same man sitting up, eyes bright and a huge smile on his face as his chest was half hidden by the sheets. He saw himself standing off to the side, lighting a nearly melted candle and blinked. The scene was gone.

Jongin climbed on, feeling the plush mattress sink under his weight and stirring Baekhyun awake. A soft groan gave Jongin pause and he stared at Baekhyun with mild horror at his own actions while the silver-haired man froze, eyes owlish and confused. The moment stretched between them.

Jongin panicked, immediately moving to slide off the bed. What was he doing? Why was he here in Baekhyun’s room? Had the dreams affected him this much? To make him think that they were real and that he could enter unannounced and uninvited into the room of the man who had taken him in? He started to climb off, but Baekhyun’s outstretched hand caught him by the wrist. He recoiled reflexively and Baekhyun’s grip slackened but didn’t leave...neither did he.

“Please stay,” Baekhyun’s voice was thick with sleep and want. He drew away from Jongin, casting his gaze to the ground as if he expected Jongin to bolt.

“Okay,” Jongin whispered, resting back on his heels and bringing his hands to his lap.

He was still unsure what had possessed him to even come here, but vague memories tickled the back of his mind. He glanced to the open window, staring at the flurries as they danced through the frigid night air and shivered. If it had not been for Baekhyun’s kindness, he’d be out there somewhere struggling to stay warm.

“You can lay down if you’d like,” Baekhyun’s voice broke Jongin’s trance and he moved closer to him, still sitting on top of the sheets. He wasn’t ready for contact just yet.

“I-I dreamed about you…” Jongin blurted suddenly, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. Why he had revealed this secret he was attempting to lock away in the back of his mind, he did not know. But the words were out in the open now, so he had to deal with the consequences.

Beside him, Baekhyun shifted on the bed so that he was sitting up, he clasped his hands between his thighs and gave Jongin a timid smile. “Oh, were they happy dreams?”

Jongin pursed his lips, suddenly feeling too shy to allow Baekhyun into the inner workings of his mind. He nodded almost imperceptibly and the warm sound of Baekhyun’s soft laugh ignited him inside. “They were nice…”

“Tell me about them, that is, if you’re comfortable with that,” Baekhyun said. He had settled back into his pillows, seemingly content to spend time with Jongin.

It was obvious that he was tired, dark circles under his eyes bruised his face, his silvery hair looked messy from sleeping, but the small smile on his face told Jongin that he was not upset over being woken up or being intruded upon. He was entirely too kind, too patient, and Jongin felt he owed Baekhyun.

He started to speak, but a gust of wind poured in through the window, scattering the drapes and whipping their hair about them. It was icy and biting and Jongin found himself slipping beneath the sheets to keep warm. He left space between their legs and huddled tightly around himself against the pillows while Baekhyun made sure to keep his limbs to himself as well.

A beam of moonlight passed over Jongin’s skin, leaving a strangely glittering path in its wake. Jongin touched it with his finger and when he examined it, his fingertip shimmered. He stared at his hand, strands of hair stinging his eyes as it slapped him until the wind died down. He looked up to see Baekhyun pulling the drapes closed and then back to his fingers. The room was dark now, but Jongin could still see the shine.

“Magical isn’t it?” Baekhyun said as he climbed back into bed. It dipped under his weight. He tucked the sheets around his legs, showing Jongin the boundary and Jongin eased open, sinking into the pillows and sighing.

The darkness of the room should have shrouded Baekhyun’s features, but he glowed softly, producing his own light. Jongin swallowed and then cleared his throat. He should have been used to Baekhyun’s ethereal appearance, but this moment was different. It was private, in the confines of a room that should have been sacred and yet, here Jongin was, desecrating his blankets with his own being.

Baekhyun should have protested, he should have never let Jongin inside. He had every right to, every option, but this man of kindness knew no bounds and for that Jongin was thankful. He was thankful for his generosity, for his gentleness. He thought back to the faint scene he saw upon entering the room and bit his lip. Perhaps the dreams weren’t just dreams.

“Sometimes, I think I knew you in a past life,” Jongin whispered.

Baekhyun rolled over to face Jongin, keeping a pillow’s length between them and searched his face. He started to reach for Jongin, his eyes filling with terrible sadness, but he hesitated, fingers just hovering over Jongin’s cheeks before he closed his hand and pulled it away. He inhaled shakily and said, “What makes you say that?”

There were words laced in the subtext. Desires and memories that Jongin just could not grasp. There was something about Baekhyun that made him want to try. The aura of sadness, the mystery of it all. How it was that he found this cabin in the first place, miles away from any road. He couldn’t remember entering the forest, or where he had been just before coming upon the cabin. All he had were vague memories of his life before the disaster, memories of what made him how he was, but nothing more than that.

“I dreamed about it…” Jongin murmured and Baekhyun’s eyes lit up with what he could only call hope, so he took the opportunity to share them with him.

He told them of their meeting of the way he seemed to know more in the dreams than he did in his waking life. He glossed over the more intimate moments, thankful for the darkness hiding the blush of his cheeks, but the whole time Baekhyun watched him like he was the most marvelous thing to behold.

At some point in the night, the two of them had fallen asleep. Jongin had made sure to keep distance between his back and Baekhyun’s chest, but not too long after shutting his eyes, he drew closer to Baekhyun out of need for warmth and surprisingly, comfort. It was one of the best nights of sleep he had ever gotten. But, all good things came to an end around Jongin.

 

Jongin woke up to Baekhyun leaning over him, expression marked with hesitant concern. He reached for his face, the rough texture of his fingers meeting soft skin. It was the first time he had initiated contact and that much showed in the way Baekhyun’s gaze widened for half a second before softening.

“You remember,” Baekhyun whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. He raised a trembling hand to cover Jongin’s, lacing thin, beautiful fingers between his.

A frown pulled Jongin’s lips down and he shook his head, “Remember what?”

The last few days felt like a blur to him. It was as if every day he spent inside the house, he forgot a piece of himself, watching the shards crumble away into nothingness. He vaguely remembered Baekhyun leaving the house at some point last night and even more vaguely he remembered curling around Baekhyun, lying his arm across his middle and breathing in his scent. But it had to all be a dream.

“Oh,” Baekhyun said and turned his face away from Jongin’s touch. He stood and faced the wall for a moment before returning his gaze to Jongin with a half-smile. “It’s no matter anyway. I should’ve known.”

“Known what?” Jongin asked. 

He moved to sit up, but stopped. The room was all wrong. There was a dresser to the right of the window. The nightstand next to Baekhyun’s bed now had a twin with an identical glass of water on it. Where the cushion for Shadow had been, was now a small trunk situated under the windowsill, against the wall.

Baekhyun started to speak, but a searing pain in Jongin’s head began. He curled onto the bed, driving his face into the sheets and groaned. It felt white-hot, like ingots fresh from the furnace, being pushed into his brain, scattering every thought, every notion he had of himself. Something was happening to him.

_ Jongin shot up, throwing the silky blankets off his body and sliding off onto his feet. He needed to get out of here. His movements were jerky as he fumbled with the drawers, yanking them open and rifling through them to find something or anything. His mind was jumbled, scrambling in his panic as he searched for the only good thing he had ever owned, a locket. When he found nothing, he gave Baekhyun -- a man and his lover -- a wary look. _

_ “Where is it?” He asked, noting the fear in his voice. His head was hurting so bad. It felt like it was splitting down the middle, starting from the center of his forehead and being hammered deep into his brain with each pulse of his blood. _

_ The silver-haired man regarded him from the corner of his eye. “I told you not to let them in.” _

_ Jongin shook his head, the pain compounded tenfold. Sweat beaded at his temples, clumping his hair into sharp little points. He looked down and saw the tips of his fingers turn to dust, falling away in waves. “What’s happening to me? Baekhyun, what did you do to me?” _

There was a ringing in Jongin’s ears as his body slumped against the mattress. His muscles ached so deeply, close to the bone. He opened his eyes and slowly rose to his feet. His whole body was trembling but there was something else. Something that wriggled in the back of his mind, something that screamed and cried and begged. He stumbled backward, heart picking up speed and panic filling every inch of him. 

Baekhyun watched him with a sad expression on his face. He looked like he wanted to help, to approach Jongin and fold him into his arms, but he didn’t move. He just stood there, hovering just out of reach while Jongin tripped and stumbled over his weak legs.

He braced his hand against the window, sweat streaking the glass and pulled himself up. He needed air. Fumbling with the latch he threw the window open and gasped, chest heaving and mind clearing. He cared not for the cold or the bite of the wind, it offered clarity that he so badly needed. He stood rooted to the window, fingers digging into the grain. With each breath, a small part of him awoke.

He turned to Baekhyun, eyes wild. “Baekhyun?” he said, hesitantly, not quite used to the way his mouth felt when forming his name.

The silver-haired man stared at him, gaping. He closed the distance between them, trembling hands twisting in the fabric of Jongin’s nightshirt. He gazed up into Jongin’s eyes, his own flicking back and forth between them and his lips parted. No words passed from them, not even a breath.

The room grew cold, frost spidering across the glass, cracking it until it exploded into shards that rained down the side of the house. Above them, the light fixture flickered until the bulb broke into pieces that fell into their hair, on their shoulders, and the ground by their bare feet.

“Please, Jongin, please come back to me,” Baekhyun whispered finally, his breath ghosting over Jongin’s chin.

They were so close, but not close enough. Jongin could feel his heart race, his mind followed suit and images flashed before his eyes, images of the past, fading around the edges, but they were there, they were clear. They told Jongin that the man standing in front of him had been the most important person in the world to him.

“I’m trying,” was all Jongin could say.

Jongin waited with bated breath as Baekhyun edged even closer to him, nearly touching their lips and then took the plunge. Wind scattered the glass around the room in a twist around their bodies. The drapes fluttered violently, making flapping sounds that fell on deaf ears. Jongin was consumed.

He had never been kissed like this, with this urgency to give someone their everything. He had never been held so tightly by arms that were certainly more familiar with him than he was of them. He had never felt a feeling that started so deep in his heart and filled every fiber of his being with a painful longing to love, to remember. 

He wanted to never part from Baekhyun, to never leave this moment where their mouths met in chaste, fleeting touches that melted into longer and more intimate joinings of their lips. The feelings that passed between them were so much more than strangers kissing. He knew this man, he knew him better than he knew himself.

Jongin was the first to pull away, the first to sigh and caress the curve of Baekhyun’s jaw, passing his thumb over kiss-swollen lips and settling at the swell of his neck. Something had awoken within him. Something that had been so small, so insignificant was blazing within him now.

They stood there, gazing at each other, one with eyes full of adoration and weepy joy and the other with an exhilarated half smile playing at tingling lips. Jongin was unsure of how to react, but Baekhyun had shattered something inside him and the dam of emotions that was pouring from him was almost too much to handle.

He turned away, eyes misting and his throat constricting because part of him had missed Baekhyun's touch for so long. Part of him craved for so much more, but Jongin was unable to fully comprehend why. He had only met him such a short time ago, but the longer he stayed the more it was beginning to feel like he really knew this man.

The dreams, the phantasms, the longing looks of yearning from Baekhyun, the way he was so gentle and patient with him even after Jongin shied away all spoke of a deeper knowledge of Jongin, a true connection between the two and Jongin could no longer fight it.

"Can- can I touch you?" Baekhyun asked, his voice uprooting Jongin from his thoughts.

A nod of his head was the only response Jongin could muster. He felt the featherlight prod of fingertips on his cheek, turning him back towards Baekhyun and his breath caught in his throat. He blinked back the stinging in his eyes and scrunched his brows. There was so much he didn't understand.

"I promise I will never let you go again," Baekhyun whispered.

His eyes pleaded with Jongin and a small frown tugged the edges of his lips down. His words weren't so much a promise as they were a request for Jongin to stay. He didn't want to leave. But staying so long in this house of magic was changing him. For better or worse, he could not tell.

Jongin gave Baekhyun a weak smile that died on his lips the second it was born. If the dreams were true and the portraits were not just elaborate machinations of his mind, staying meant that eventually, he would learn what had originally become of him.

He glanced at the window, forlornness coloring his face in shades of gray. The jagged edges of glass glistened in the sun. A flash made his eyes move towards the forest. Dark figures hovered just beyond the edge of the forest. They sucked in all the light around them, appearing more like vague human-shaped black holes. Where they touched, life was leached dry. Parts of the bark would crumble into particles that gravitated to the specters, entering their centers and making them appear larger.

A chill traveled the length of Jongin's spine as he watched them pulsate, constantly flickering in and out. There was something menacing about them. Something so dark and lecherous that staring too long at them tainted a tiny portion of Jongin's mind black.

Maybe it was a trick of the eye, but Jongin swore he saw the faint facsimile of a face in one of them. Downturned eyes, a small nose, and perhaps the same lips as the man who stood in the room next to him. It was hard to tell from such a great distance, but the dread fixated itself in Jongin nonetheless.

"What are they?" He asked, feeling a pit grow in his stomach. He knew the answer, he'd seen the way it had poured into every portrait in the room.

Baekhyun's answer was so quiet that Jongin had thought it was a trick of the wind. But, the words had been so clear.

"My family."

"What happened to them?" Jongin asked, returning his gaze back to the forest's edge.

They jittered by the trees, seemingly unable to remain still. Jongin waited for Baekhyun’s response, but it was so quiet he had to look away from the forest only to find the silver-haired man gone from the room. He turned back to the trees, frowning at the shadowy figures. A dull ache in the back of his head festered.

~*~

The stranger arrived a week after the kiss took place. Neither of them addressed said kiss, but Jongin could tell that Baekhyun was pleased with the result. He would smile softly at Jongin any time he saw him, or gently touch his back when he passed by him.

Even the house seemed to preen in the wake of the act of intimacy. The colors of the furniture were brighter, the wood was a bit more glossy. The air was both warmer and cooler whenever it needed to be and the overall aura was pleasant, much like the day it was upon Jongin's arrival.

The shadows still lurked out in the woods, jerking and twitching in the sunlight, but they never ventured to the house so long as Baekhyun was around. It was only when he would leave to tend to the garden in the greenhouse, or whatever it was he did when he and Shadow left for hours, that they would come closer, dark swirling masses pressing against the windows, suffocating and bleaching the house.

Baekhyun would have to scatter them with a wave of his hand and Shadow would bristle, growing larger in size and ferocity until the spirits slunk back to the edges of the trees. At night, they grew bolder. Whispering Jongin's name, urging him to let them in, but Baekhyun put a stop to that by locking Jongin's shutters from the outside and pushing the dresser in front of the window at night.

It made for an awkward routine, but after two weeks of it, Jongin started anticipating seeing Baekhyun's face appear by the window right before he locked the shutters tight. Sometimes he'd knock three times and other times he would close them without warning. In any case, Jongin was used to it.

It had been a knock on the door that sent Shadow into a flurry of barking and nails scratching the wooden floors as he charged towards the door, that alerted the two that someone had arrived. Jongin glanced up from the novel he'd been reading while Baekhyun crept to the door to look through the peephole. Apparently, he had not been expecting anyone.

The stranger stood outside the door, dressed in a trenchcoat and a snowcap. He had wide eyes and full lips that were chapped from the bitterly cold weather. Baekhyun stepped aside and let him in while Shadow eyed him warily, ears twitching and tail straight out. Whoever the man was, the dog was not a fan. That only made Jongin nervous.

The stranger tilted his chin towards Jongin as he followed Baekhyun through the house and down the hallway, never uttering a single word, but drinking in Jongin’s features with a strange familiarity. Jongin closed the book and padded after them, curious but not wanting to give away his presence.

They stopped just outside of a door that had not been there when Jongin had woken up this morning. The cabin had changed again and by now Jongin was used to it. Baekhyun and the wide-eyed stranger entered the room and left it cracked just enough for Jongin to see inside.

There was an easel in the center of the room, a simple chaise lounge, and a small table for supplies. Jongin leaned in closer, straining to hear the whispers passed between the two men.

_ He remembers nothing, but he certainly looks like him, no? _

_ Indeed, he does. _

_ Can you help him? _

_ I'll see what I can do after I'm done with you. _

Jongin stepped back, feeling a strange sense of dejavu come over him. He could see Baekhyun situate himself onto the chaise lounge and tilt his head to the side, exposing his neck. A bored expression turned his features icy and impersonal.

There was the scratch of a pencil on paper canvas and Baekhyun's eyes glazed over. Jongin stood there, transfixed and unable to move from his spot. The door fell open just a tad more and Jongin could see that the stranger was moving impossibly fast, arm fluidly sketching Baekhyun's figure on the canvas in a remarkably short amount of time. The image tickled something in the back of his mind.

Once he was done with the general sketch, he approached Baekhyun with a strange, twisted metal tool and with a swift motion he ran it down the length of Baekhyun's arm, a trail of thick blood splattering into a jar on the ground.

Baekhyun remained unaffected, eyes still blank and lifeless. From behind Jongin, Shadow growled softly and he found the ability to move. He tangled his fingers into the wiry fur, attempting to soothe the dog and continued watching as the man lifted the jar and began quietly whispering over it as he dipped each instrument into the jar before placing several dots on the canvas, that were quickly absorbed.

Next, he dipped a brush into the jar and when he began painting instead of the color red appearing on the canvas, the brush left streaks of nothingness on the canvas. The small sketch marks were soon covered by the strokes until the whole canvas was blank once again. The man whispered a few more words over the canvas and then approached Baekhyun again, this time with a different tool. He went over the same wound he had made before and coated the metal with Baekhyun’s blood.

Jongin flinched and looked away, it was becoming too much for him. When he returned his attention, Baekhyun was still as blank-faced as ever but now he appeared paler, more drawn in on himself as if he were fading away. All the while, the man was painting furiously, colors appearing on the canvas for brief seconds before disappearing.

There was a twinkling from the window as the sunlight bled into the room and when it hit Baekhyun, his body began to shrivel and fall into dust. Beside him, Shadow whimpered and started down the hallway, tail drawn between his legs. He had seen all this happen before.

Jongin was torn between wanting to enter the room and ask the strange man questions and following after the dog. He chose the prior, but when he pushed the door the rest of the way open, the man was already packing up his supplies.

Without looking at Jongin, he spoke, “He’ll be back by sunset. He pushed it off for far too long this time, that I wasn’t sure he’d make it to the end.”

Absolutely none of what the man had said made sense, but he nodded his head slowly, feigning comprehension. This wasn’t lost on the stranger, who after packing his supplies, looked up at Jongin with impossibly wide eyes.

“Now, it’s time I take care of you, Jongin,” he said and approached him quickly. He took up Jongin’s wrist in his hand and pushed back the sleeve of his shirt, closely examining his skin before dropping it. 

Jongin pulled his arm against his chest and remained frozen. He couldn’t move, not when he was captured by the wide-eyed man’s gaze. They stood there in tense silence, Jongin’s heart ramming furiously against his chest and the stranger squinting at him as though he didn’t belong.

“Come with me,” he said finally and exited the room.

The stranger walked incredibly fast for someone of his stature and Jongin had to struggle to keep up. He didn’t know why he was following him, but deep inside of him he felt it was right. As if he had done all this before. The double vision flashed before his eyes and in it he saw a more dated version of the man in front of him, wearing clothes from days long past. With a blink the vision disappeared. 

He followed the man to the kitchen and sat down in the chair across from him while the man made himself a cup of tea. Everything was silent except for Shadow’s low growling. He reached down absently and stroked Shadow, thankful that nothing had happened to him when Baekhyun disappeared. When he looked down he saw that the dog was bigger now. His fur was fluffed out, eyes, blazing with alertness, and his ears forever twitching towards the door.

“I’m Doh Kyungsoo, the portraitist. I’ve been told I can capture the very soul of all my customers and allow them to live life after life,” he said as he set down the cup of tea and lowered himself into the chair.

Jongin stared at him, the feeling of panic had made itself a permanent fixture within him. He wanted to run, to leave everything behind and never look back, but the longer he watched the wide-eyed man the more his resolve disappeared. He felt entranced, trapped almost by his very presence.

Kyungsoo sipped his tea and then set it back down on the table. The silence grew until Jongin could only hear ringing in his ears. It grew impossibly loud, causing him to shut his eyes momentarily to drive it out. When he opened them, he saw Kyungsoo regarding him curiously, a slight smile playing at full lips. There was something about him that elicited the same response as Baekhyun from him. A strange familiarity, a sense of the inhuman, an unnatural draw that swallowed him whole. His hand inched across the table’s surface, fingers crawling until they barely brushed skin and suddenly Jongin felt as though he would explode.

_ People sold their souls to the devil all the time for trivial things. They sold their souls for fortune, for money, for greed, and for various other selfish reasons. The price they paid was always more drastic than they imagined. Some were cursed to live life in squalor, others were tortured endlessly by the devil’s minions, driven insane and often locked up in asylums. Still, the price for the Byun family could be seen by some as a blessing. However, those who knew the truth knew it was anything but. _

_ Endless life, year after year, era after era, being forced to exist and never reach eternal sleep for some was a dream come true. Yet, living for so long and being forced to see those that were loved die around you was torture for the Byun family. Of course, they never mentioned it at first. They simply reveled in their immortal lives after Papa Byun sold all their souls to the man with the wide eyes.. _

_ It had seemed like a great deal back then. To be given life after life, chance after chance. But, humans were not meant to live forever. They would either live long enough to see all the evils of the world, or become the evil themselves. Those were the words that plagued Baekhyun as he watched Jongin sign away his life to Kyungsoo. _

_ Those were the words that choked him. Strangling his neck and stealing his breath while his heart sang with conflicting notes. He would finally have someone to spend his forever with so maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. But the devil always had tricks up his sleeve and those tricks were what scared Baekhyun the most. _

_ He had read the contract. Read it twice -- no -- thrice, until he reluctantly handed it back to Jongin, giving Kyungsoo a wary eye. He had seen nothing that could possibly harm Jongin in the scrawl on the parchment. It was simple. Jongin was signing his life to the Byun’s contract. Forever cursed to roam this earth for all eternity. Forever cursed to be sent to Hell to be reborn again in a corporeal body. Forever cursed to fear the day, the devil finally came to collect. It was too simple. _

_ So long as they followed the rules of the contract: never reveal their true selves to the public and to always do the devil’s bidding, should he call upon them, they would be fine. Or at least that’s what Papa Byun had told them all. What he failed to mention was that each time they were brought back, a little bit of Hell came back with them. _

_ Baekhyun had noticed it in the way his parent’s had changed. After so many reincarnations they lost the kind gestures and grew bitter. They cared not for the people of the small town they lived in. Instead, they grew paranoid. Only allowing Baekhyun and his sisters to travel to the market once in a blue moon. They were given strict orders to speak to no one and to return before sundown. _

_ Yet, on that fateful day that Baekhyun saw Jongin for the first time, he could not help himself. Jongin had enraptured him, consumed his every thought, his every desire until Baekhyun no longer take it. He begged and begged to return to town and when he did, he abandoned his sisters in search of the tanned man with eyes that held a million tales. He searched for hours, clutching his dark robes close to his body as he nimbly made his way through the crowded streets. It wasn’t until he was nearly knocked off his feet by a speeding carriage that he saw the tanned man. _

_ The moment was still. All the din had disappeared and it was as if the only thing in the world that existed were those fathomless eyes. Baekhyun knew he was being selfish. He knew he should not have gone off in search of him, but the moment paused in time had shocked the breath from his lungs and rooted his feet into the mud of the uncobbled roads. There was no going back. When Jongin dropped everything he was doing and stood there just as awestruck as Baekhyun was, it had been solidified. Baekhyun could not resist no matter how hard he would try.  _

_ Now, as he watched Jongin place his pricked thumb onto the parchment, rolling it side to side to smear the blood, he wanted to scream. He wanted to tell Jongin to return to the city and forget about him, to save himself. But it was too late. With a satisfied smile from Kyungsoo Baekhyun knew there was nothing left he could do. Jongin tied his fate to Baekhyun’s irrevocably as the parchment was tucked away into Kyungsoo’s waistcoat. _

_ Deals with the Devil never went as planned, so all Baekhyun could do was wait for his entire world to crumble into the pits below, like sand falling through outstretched fingers. He knew nothing would ever end up the same, no matter how many handfuls he grabbed, he would never catch the same grains. _

_ Yet, at first things were fine. Baekhyun had been lulled into a false sense of placidity. He was able to wake next to his lover, to smile at his lover, to sleep with his lover and no one could prevent them. No one said anything of their soft glances, their lingering hands, the playful lilts of their voices as they chatted lightly with each other. No one said anything of the stolen kisses that lasted a beat too long, or wandering fingers that dipped beneath fabric, or the music of love being made late into the night. No one said anything and Baekhyun grew comfortable.  _

_ He should have known it would come to an end. Good things did not last long for Baekhyun, or if they did, well, he outlived them past their bliss. When the first signs of darkness showed within Jongin, he grew nervous. The shouting, the screams, the pleas that started in the woods and traveled to their room had left him stricken. Something was wrong, very wrong.  _

_ So when Jongin threatened to leave, Baekhyun hardly put up a fight. He knew there would be consequences if he left, but he could not bring himself to tell Jongin. He wanted to protect him, to save him from this curse, so he watched him leave, hand outstretched and eyes stinging, hoping that somehow he would be free. _

_ That night after he left, Baekhyun snuck into his father’s belongings and read the contract for the Byun family in its entirety. The contract had specified life after life, not life for all eternity. As he finished the last word he knew he had done something terrible. That was when the howling started. Kyungsoo had come to collect Papa Byun. _

Jongin yanked his arm back, eyes widening and heart pounding. An ache festered deep in his chest, slowly fading as he returned to his body. What had he done unwittingly all those years ago? Was he the cause for the blackened spirits? He wanted to say something...anything but his vocal chords were paralyzed by shock. All he could do was watch as Kyungsoo took another sip of his tea and gave him a small sad smile.

“So you’ve learned of your involvement, I take it?” Kyungsoo trailed his finger around the edge of cup. It played a hollow, melancholy note that hung heavily in the air.

Jongin nodded. The ringing was returning but he wasn’t ready to succumb to it just yet. He wanted answers, he desperately needed answers. How had he gone from being homeless to finding a magical cabin, to learning of his past lives? He frowned, trying to remember how he even found the forest in the first place, but everything leading up to the moment where he came across the cabin was gone from him. Even his memories of the years before were quickly melting away into the distance. He couldn’t recall his mother’s face or his sister’s laugh. He couldn’t remember what his house looked like. It was as if the memories had never been real, as if his life before had never been real. Perhaps it never had been real.

Kyungsoo nodded, still circling the rim of the cup, his eyes never leaving Jongin’s face. “It runs deeper than that. The Byun family has belonged to me since the dawn of time. You, however, are still quite new to me. Your novelty has yet to run its course.” He outstretched his hand and left it palm up in the center of the table, almost welcoming Jongin to grasp it. “I can show you more of Baekhyun’s memories, or I can return you to your previous state with all of your own memories.”

Living his life through the eyes of another was an intoxicating offer. Jongin found himself leaning forward and wetting his lips. It would be dangerous, this he knew deep within his bones. From the way Kyungsoo regarded him like a bird would an insect, to the way Shadow hovered closer to him under the table, his heavy head resting in Jongin’s lap and quiet whimpers piercing the air. Jongin’s voice was hardly above a whisper, but he had a feeling that Kyungsoo knew his answer before the words even formed in his mind.

Finally, Jongin said, “Show me more.”

It was a peculiar feeling that washed over him as the smile stretched across Kyungsoo’s features. It nearly split his face in two and the dark glint that only a resident of hell could muster. Jongin was dancing with the devil and the devil really seemed to like it. A hand closed over his and the ringing stopped, only to be replaced by the deafening silence of a cabin in the woods.

_ Jongin was an amazing lover, Baekhyun thought as he watched the man he had fallen so deeply for light the candle across the room. He could write sonnets about the way the shadows cast upon Jongin’s face, making his features even sharper, but leaving his eyes eternally softened. He loved the way Jongin’s back muscles rippled under the scarred skin, the secret of which he had still not been given privy to. Their love ran deep, but the secrets of their past remained hidden in the depths, not once even brushed upon. _

_ Yet, it was agreeable to Baekhyun. He gave not a single worry to the details of Jongin’s past, because as their whispers had told him, Baekhyun was Jongin’s present and future, and that was all that mattered. Secrets were just that, secrets, and as a man of many, Baekhyun was loathed to pester Jongin to divulge his. It did not make him love him less, perhaps it made him love him more, but either way, they were together now, and all was returning to bliss. _

_ Baekhyun sighed and pulled the blankets higher over his chest, hiding the blemish just beneath his navel. It was angry and pink, long faded but still there. He would bear this scar forever more as it was given to him by the man that he had trusted with his life above all others. Sometimes it still ached. It was a reminder of the first battle of many to come as his family succumbed one by one to the darkness. It was another detail of the contract. For once one had taken the darkness into their hearts, so would the others until all light was chased from the world and the cycle began again. _

_ However, Baekhyun still saw his father from time to time. He was a dark mass of shimmering mist that clung to the forest, hiding in the shadows. He called for him, knowing that he was the weakest of the family towards him. They had shared a bond so close and yet, when Baekhyun had let him in it was his father who attacked him, stabbing through him with a blackened spike of himself, attempting to take over his body. He hadn’t realized his father had become so twisted.  _

_ When Jongin returned to the bed and slipped beneath the sheets, his warmth chased away the cold thoughts of Baekhyun’s mind and filled him with such a strong feeling of love. He turned to him, caressing his lover’s face, marveling at the way he leaned into his hand like a dog being pet. He followed the soft lashes as Jongin closed his eyes. He loved this man, so much that it made his heart hurt sometimes. So much that when he gazed upon his face, time froze and the gentle breeze of the chilly wind outside wafted inside and swirled around them. The forest still bent to his will, just as it had before his soul belonged to the devil. _

_ Baekhyun leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on lips that chased away every ounce of his sin. He drank him in, tasting him, letting him fill him until he could no longer tell where he ended and Jongin began. Baekhyun knew that when the time came, he would let Kyungsoo take him away. _

Jongin blinked and looked up at Kyungsoo, fear seeping into every pore. What had Baekhyun meant by Kyungsoo taking him away? Was he going to end up just like his family? Was Jongin going to lose the only person who had shown him kindness in his weakened and blank state? He had been so kind to him, so patient with him, waiting for him to return to his senses, to love him again.

A burning desire to remember everything, to be able to see Baekhyun and know every freckle on his face, every intimate curve, every minute detail of their lives together overtook him. He wanted to learn more, to understand why he had become as he had. Why he had forgotten Baekhyun, the man he had apparently loved so deeply he signed away his life for him.

Jongin’s world fell sideways as he slumped onto the table, body exhausted but mind running a million miles per second. He opened his mouth to ask for more knowledge from Kyungsoo, but the man simply caressed the side of his head, fingers lingering in the dark brown tresses fondly.

“There, there, my sweet. Sleep and I will give you the knowledge you seek…”

Sleep embraced him with arms of gauzy blackness, shrouding him, consuming him until he no longer knew himself anymore.

 

 

In another life Jongin had been deeply in love with Baekhyun. He cherished him, he loved him. He vowed to never leave him and yet, when the darkness came, he would give in and leave him all alone. Sometimes it would be years before he returned to Baekhyun, asking him to give him another chance, that this time he could fight the shadows that threatened to take over his mind, but it always ended the same.

The whispers would start. They would snake in, telling him lies that he could not escape. They would plant seeds in the recesses of his mind that flourished with every glance to the man he loved. Day by day, he would go insane, until he could bear it no longer. He would then wake up in a strange place in a strange time and in strange clothes with no recollection of who he was or how he got there.  He would wander the streets, hoping to find clues to who he was or at least where he was and it was always the same.

He would always meet a small man with large round eyes and that man would always promise to help him. Jongin would trust him, hoping that the kindness the man gave him was genuine. He would learn of his heritage, his true calling and he would know that he would meet a man named Baekhyun and that each moment spent with him would drive him to madness. Yet, he would be drawn to him time after time, cycle after cycle.

Jongin would love Baekhyun as he had always loved him. It would be all-consuming from the moment their eyes would meet. They would greet each other the same each time. He would kiss Baekhyun with lips that were made for him. He would touch Baekhyun with hands that only belonged to him. He would give Baekhyun his heart, which was forever tied to him. It was always the same, until it wasn’t.

In this life, Jongin had had none of that. In this life, he started out in the forest, cold and lost until he came across the cabin in the woods and the man who had loved him with every fiber of his being. He had been filled with false memories that told of a tragedy that made him the way he was, but had never happened. He had been naive but willing and that was what would be his downfall...

Jongin awoke to the sounds of Baekhyun and Shadow returning through the front door. He hadn’t remembered why he had fallen asleep at the table, but when he looked across him for Kyungsoo, he found no one. It couldn’t have been a dream. It had felt so real and even though the image of the man’s face was fading from his mind, he knew he had been there. He reached for the teacup and stifled a gasp. It was still warm.

The sound of Baekhyun pulling off his boots tore him from the cup and he turned towards him, chest swelling. He rose to his feet and crossed the distance between them, pushing Shadow’s nose away in the process. He had learned everything, everything that mattered to him anyway. 

Jongin stared at Baekhyun, half afraid to touch him lest he startle him, but Baekhyun stepped towards him, chest heaving and eyes searching. A look of hope and desperation was on his face as he gripped the fabric of Jongin’s shirt. The door behind them hung open and lazy scattered flakes of snow landed inside and quickly melted into water.

Nothing was said, but Jongin tentatively raised his hand to caress the soft skin of Baekhyun’s neck. An almost imperceptible gasp mingled between them and they both froze, gazes locked and breathing paused. Baekhyun felt chilled to the touch.

“You’ve returned?” Baekhyun whispered at last. His lips trembled as emotion overcame him.

Jongin nodded, letting a smile spread over his face. Warm trails rolled over his cheeks and down his jaw. He inhaled shakily, “I’ve returned.”

Suddenly, lips crashed into his and Jongin could taste salt of his tears. He melted into the kiss, snaking his arms around Baekhyun holding him as close as he could. He knew that this moment would trigger the shadows in his mind, but for now it was worth it. 

He breathed him in, every breath sharing more and more memories of the man he knew he loved. It was overwhelming, almost incapacitating how his heart swelled. He held onto Baekhyun, deepening the kiss until he couldn’t remember what it felt like to not know this mouth.

~*~

With every day, Jongin remembered more and more about his past lives. He remembered the smell of the city, the sounds of horseshoes clopping turning into loud motors of automobiles. He remembered the way the air that was once so clear grew full of smog, choking him on the worst days and giving his throat a tickle on the best. Most of all, he remembered his lives with Baekhyun. He remembered the quiet nights they shared when they were first getting to know each other and the not so quiet nights from when they grew intimate.

He remembered seeing Baekhyun’s mother slowly go insane, stricken with grief over her husband’s departure. He remembered when she begged Mr. Doh to take her with him instead of painting her portrait. He remembered Baekhyun’s sisters following suit not too long after. He had been worried that Baekhyun would also wish to be rid of the curse, but as more time went on, Baekhyun only seemed to grow brighter.

He remembered the first time Baekhyun had brought Shadow home, a small scraggly puppy on the brink of death. Together in the same cabin, they had nourished him, and watched him grow into the beautiful dog he was today. They played with him, showing him the borders of the land, bringing him to parks and places that they had gone together as two but were now three. It had been the longest time they spent together before the darkness came.

Of course not everything he remembered was all bliss. He remembered their struggles, the way Baekhyun’s family called to them, begging them for entrance. He remembered the fights they had, the ones that were so bad that Jongin would take off into the night, leaving the cabin behind only to be swallowed by darkness and wake up in a new era.

The thoughts plagued him every morning he woke up. It was bittersweet, seeing the face of his lover only to be marred by the darkness that lurked behind every corner. Jongin would pass his thumb over the soft swell of Baekhyun’s cheeks and sigh, pushing the blackness from his thoughts as he started the day.

It was on a still particularly cool spring morning when Jongin closed the book he was reading and turned to Baekhyun. Something had been bothering him as of late. He had noticed that they never visited town, nor did they interact with anyone other than each other. The cabin couldn’t have been too far from town, but aside from the delivery man, Jongin had not seen a single soul.

“Why haven’t you left the property?”

Baekhyun continued to stare longingly at the fireplace before rising to his feet, “I’ll show you.”

Jongin quickly pulled on shoes as the two of them exited the cabin. It had been the first time in days that they ventured outside. From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of the shadowy figures hovering by the windows. The shutters where they were looked grayed and weathered. Jongin shuddered.

The walk was quiet, but instead of following behind Baekhyun like a lost puppy as he had been doing since he arrived, he held onto his hand, still marveling at the way it felt within his own. It had been so long since they were together and Jongin wondered how Baekhyun had remained so patient with him. Baekhyun had to be in pain to see the face of his lover but know he was not in his memories or even his heart. A pain like that would have driven Jongin mad, so it just showed that Baekhyun was a stronger man than he. But even so, all strong men grow weak as time went on.

They reached the very edge of the property after a short while of walking, carefully avoiding the forest’s edge and any shadows that may fall upon them. Baekhyun had warned that with his family lurking, they had to be extra diligent. When Jongin asked how to make them return, Baekhyun had only given him a sad smile before saying that they would only be freed when Baekhyun joined them.

Standing at the edge of the property, Baekhyun stopped walking and held out his hand. As it passed over some imaginary line, his hand turned translucent, fading away into nothingness. After a second he pulled his hand back and cradled it to his chest. “I am unable to leave.”

Jongin chewed his lip. None of their other lives had been like this. They had always been as corporeal as a regular human. So what made this time any different? He took Baekhyun’s hand into his own and brought it to his lips, brushing them against it absentmindedly. After a moment he stopped and gazed down at Baekhyun, his thoughts halting in their tracks. 

Baekhyun  _ was _ light. He embodied the word in every definition. From the way his silvery hair danced in the gentle breeze to the way his skin glowed impossibly bright with every ray of the sun. His glow, the one that Jongin had seen all those years ago that had drawn him to Baekhyun had returned. He had always been light, and now everything was starting to make sense. He had to look away, before the prickling at the backs of his eyes threatened a flood. He knew the answer deep within him.

“What if I leave?”

A beat of silence passed between them. The leaves of the trees rustled but that was the only sound. There were no birds chirping, no animals chittering, nothing but the sound of the wind swirling through branches.

Finally, Baekhyun said, “If you leave, they will devour me.”

Jongin glanced back to the woods, seeing the specters twitching in the shadows. Death followed in their wake, blackened leaves, yellowing grass, a few fallen critters lay on the ground, drained of the light of life. In one of the faces he saw a glimpse of saddened but unstable eyes.

He returned his attention to Baekhyun and frowned. “Then what do we do?”

More silence followed. Shadow returned to their sides, his fur bristling and ears low. He was glaring intently into the forest, but not making a sound. Jongin turned and saw that the specters had moved closer, still within the confines of the forest, but directly behind them now. A heavy feeling settled in his stomach.

“We live in fear,” Baekhyun said, staring at his family in the woods.

~*~

Nighttime used to be Jongin’s favorite time of the day at the cabin. It used to mean that the whole family gathered around the dinner table, telling each other of their days while they ate a delicious meal. Afterwards the men of the family, Papa Byun, Baekhyun, and Jongin would all find themselves outside talking of what it meant to live forever.

Back then it had excited Jongin, to spend all of eternity with his lover and his family. But now, nights meant they had to endure the soft whispers calling to them, begging them to open the door and to let them in. It was the hardest on Jongin. Baekhyun had grown used to their pleas, so much so that they had given up on him and retreated deep into the forest to wander. It was Jongin that brought them back to the cabin. It was Jongin that they targeted. Because through him they could return. Through him they could reach Baekhyun.

Since regaining his memories of his past lives, Jongin had moved into Baekhyun’s room. They slept together, with Shadow often stretched out between them snoring in that way only dogs could. It had been a minor annoyance at first as Jongin wanted to cling to Baekhyun, to feel his warmth, but from the little that Baekhyun had told him, Jongin had been gone a long time so things were different now.

Still, it had felt so natural. They had fallen back into their old ways, but tonight was different. Tonight, after they had finished their dinner and their nightly routine of reading by the fireplace, Baekhyun had asked Jongin to bathe with him.

At first, Jongin had laughed, saying that they had bathed together plenty of time before and that now they didn’t need to, but the pleading look on Baekhyun’s face had slain the protests from Jongin’s lips. It was that same desperation that had donned on him when he realized Jongin remembered him and Jongin could do nothing but concede.

Standing in the bathroom much like that first night, Jongin let Baekhyun undress him, his heart pounding in his chest. After lifting his arms over his head, he cupped Baekhyun’s face and brought him to his lips, feeling the need to lose himself within him, lest he lose him forever. The kiss was chaste, but when they parted, they were both breathless, as if they were both too afraid to break the moment.

Soft bursts of air escaped them, and Jongin’s heart pounded. It felt like time was slipping from him, time that he had thought he would always have, but each day had proven more difficult than the last to pull himself from the fog of his mind. This however, brought him clarity, clarity that gave him insight to everything. After tonight, everything was going to change.

Jongin slowly lifted Baekhyun’s top over his head with trembling hands, pausing after he dropped it to the ground to thumb the pink scar just under Baekhyun’s navel. He looked down into dark eyes and sank to his knees, placing butterfly kisses along the raised skin. He wanted to put his emotions into actions.

Baekhyun let out the quietest of gasps and tangled his fingers into silky chocolate locks. The sound and the feeling sent a spattering of tingles down Jongin’s spine, making him arch his back a bit as he gently mouthed along Baekhyun’s pelvis. He unbuttoned his pants and gingerly pulled them down, still trailing his lips across the scar. It elicited the sweetest of sounds from his lover.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Baekhyun breathed, his head falling back and a deep groan rumbling in his chest.

Jongin answered him by gently pressing Baekhyun’s thighs open and delineating them with presses of his open mouth. He bit lightly at a few places, teasing the skin with swipes of his tongue and other times ghosting his lips just over the surface. He could see Baekhyun curl his toes and glanced back up at him as he took the heavy, throbbing, length in his hand and brought it to his lips.

Baekhyun tasted lightly of salt as he slid over Jongin’s tongue and into his mouth. Another deep moan and Jongin took him down to the base, his nose brushing the neatly kept hairs that smelled so distinctly like Baekhyun. He lightly caressed the backs of his thighs, pulled him closer, deeper, until Jongin could hardly breathe. He pulled back and brushed the tip of his tongue over the blushed red head and smiled up at Baekhyun.

“I know,” he said, gaze drinking in the pink flush of Baekhyun skin, splotchy from his neck and across his clavicles. He had always looked the most beautiful when in the throes of pleasure.

Jongin remained on his knees, intermittently taking Baekhyun back into his mouth and substituting with his hand when he jaw grew tired. He knew that it had been a long time since Baekhyun was touched like this and he wanted to make it last.

When Baekhyun was growing near, Jongin released him and stood up, pressing their bodies close together and kissing him with slick, swollen lips. They parted, both panting and Baekhyun’s eyes a bit more hazy than clear. He fumbled with the tub knobs, fingers not quite twisting them at first until the sound of rushing water filled the air.

Jongin stepped out of his own pants and into the filling basin with Baekhyun following suit seconds later. They sink to their bottoms, tangling their legs over one another until they were near enough to hold on to each other. Jongin looked into dark eyes and saw the world. He saw the past, the present, and the future in them. He saw their love, their loss, their curse.

“Tomorrow I must go out for a bit,” Baekhyun said, his voice hardly above a whisper.

“Will you return?” Jongin asked. He squeezed Baekhyun tighter against him, fearing his answer. They both knew what he was not saying.

“...Yes.”

It was a lie. One among the many that had shaped their fate for all these lives. One of among the many that had damned them. One among the many that Jongin would choose to believe, if only just for tonight.

Jongin nodded against Baekhyun and then grabbed the sponge. “This time, I’ll wash you.”

By the time they fell into bed, neither of them was in their right mind. Everything was frantic, grasping fingers that bruised skin, teeth that knocked , and gasps that ran haggard. Jongin needed this, he needed to feel so close to Baekhyun that he could lose himself. He needed to remember what it was like to feel him inside him, to crave his touch so deep, to be filled.

Breaths collided as they desperately kissed one another, lips not quite meeting but more swallowing each other whole, consuming each other so resolutely. Glides of their tongues turned into prodding matches of struggle as they tasted each other, mapping the insides of their mouths forever into their minds.

Gripping the pillows surrounding them, Jongin pulled Baekhyun deeper, needing to feel his weight on him, to solidify that he was real. He dug his nails into pale damp skin and clamped down hard, whines transforming into throaty groans of Baekhyun’s name, halting phrases of love, and wanton expletives that bled into the night.

When Baekhyun’s thrusts grew spastic, Jongin linked his legs around him, holding him still and knotted his hand into the sweat drenched tresses. “Please, don’t leave me,” he begged, hiccupping and gasping.

A gentle caress of Baekhyun’s thumb over the apple of Jongin’s cheek was all the answer he received as the pulsing of his lover’s climax filled him, pushing his own over the edge and sending his release over his stomach in thin ropes that mixed into perspiration.

They panted, both too sensitive to move, so they remained, Baekhyun perched above Jongin, thumb still absently rubbing over his cheek as sad eyes of adoration implored him to stay silent. Jongin obliged, lips parted as he sucked in air and fought against the tightening of his throat.

“I love you,” Baekhyun murmured, pressing his lips to Jongin’s and then parting.

“I love you, too,” Jongin whispered and gently moved from under Baekhyun and rolled onto his side. 

Those words that he had waited so long to say, so long to remember how to feel, had come out at last. But, they didn’t make him feel any better. Nor did Baekhyun slipping his arms around his middle. The things that had brought him comfort now only brought him pain. A soft kiss was placed across the backs of his shoulders and Jongin closed his eyes trying to will sleep to take him before he heard Baekhyun’s words, his lie.

“I will come back, Jongin, I swear to you.”

~*~

It had been a week since Baekhyun left and Jongin’s heart could not be in more pieces. It was a debilitating pain that strangled the air from his lungs with every breath. He was constantly light-headed as if he wasn’t getting enough oxygen and maybe that was the case. Baekhyun’s departure had hurt him so absolutely.

They had just found each other, Jongin had just gotten his memories back and Baekhyun had to leave so soon. It sent frustration through Jongin that he couldn’t do anything to stop, to make his lover stay. He knew his words would do nothing so perhaps that was why when Baekhyun slipped out of bed in the early dawn hours, Jongin bit his lip and swallowed down the lump in his throat.

Baekhyun promised him he would return, so when he finally tore himself from bed on that first day, he sat in front of the window, watching as the trees swayed in the early spring breeze. Their sparse branches were full of little buds, of new life that slowly unraveled with each day.

Grass swayed and rippled but still there was no sign of Baekhyun or Shadow for that matter. He always took the dog with him when he left, so Jongin wasn’t too surprised. Yet, a tendril of dread coiled deep in his stomach as the sun dropped lower in the sky and Baekhyun had not returned.

It had taken four days before Jongin finally put two and two together and accepted that Baekhyun was gone. He wasn’t gone from this earth, Jongin could tell that much, but he was no longer within his grasp and that was what hurt him the most. What had he done this time to drive him away?

He hadn’t run off, in fact, he pushed away the dark insanity that threatened to take over him day after day and it had gotten so easy that Jongin had forgotten it existed. So why did Baekhyun need to leave? Why did he abandon Jongin in this life? It was so unfair.

He searched the cabin at first, to find Kyungsoo’s information and perhaps speak to the devil himself, but every drawer he pulled open crashed to the floor empty and barren, mocking him as they lay there. Was there anything he could do?

By the fifth day Jongin gave up. He wandered through the cabin aimlessly opening doors that either fell away at his touch or remained unbudged. The cabin had gone gray, stripped of all its shine, all its luster, its life. The windows stopped closing correctly, some sticking halfway open and others no longer moving at all. The floorboards creaked and in places Jongin’s foot would crash through until he was on his hands and knees trying to lift himself from a hole. Without Baekhyun it seemed that everything died.

Outside the shadows had grown larger, more menacing with their swirling darkness. They no longer had any interest in the house, having drained it of all its splendor. Occasionally Jongin swore he saw the face of Baekhyun among them, but the numbers were all wrong. Instead of four of them sometimes there was only three or two and Jongin would watch them from the confines of the cabin and wonder if they were disappearing just like Baekhyun had.

On the eighth day, however, one of them visited the cabin. They did not enter and instead lurked just outside the window in all its swirling blackness that mimicked Jongin’s inner thoughts. He considered approaching it, hoping it would shed some light on Baekhyun’s whereabouts but when he got closer to it, it slowly dissipated into nothingness.

Yet, determined to get some answers or at least finally ready to go into the forest to find whatever remained of Baekhyun, he set off in the snow, barefoot and dressed in pajamas. It was spring, so as his toes met slush pile after slush pile, Jongin cursed under his breath for not pulling on shoes, but the shadow that was by the window had appeared just a few paces ahead of him so he followed.

The forest was quiet, unnaturally so and Jongin pulled his arms around himself and strained his eyes in the darkness. He brought his hands to his mouth and screamed, “Baekhyun!” It came out all wrong as his throat was dry and his voice was hoarse with disuse.

The sound of a stick crunching behind him made Jongin whirl around, eyes stretched impossibly wide and his nerves on edge. He held his breath, listening and hoping that whatever it was it was nothing dangerous. He couldn’t see anything, so he continued walking, not sure where he was going or why but after coming back to the clearing where Baekhyun had found him, he stopped and listened.

A breeze wafted through the trees, lifting his plastered hair from his forehead and sending a strange feeling of content through him. It was as if he was being held by the breeze, caressed by it and when he closed his eyes he swore he felt Baekhyun touching his cheek, running his thumb over his cheek. He inhaled the scent of the only man he had ever loved and when he opened his eyes, there was a single light in front of him.

Jongin stepped forward tentatively, still reeling from the wind’s caress but ever curious of the glowing orb. He followed it as it zipped through the trees at a pace that had him jogging to keep up until he was back at the cabin. Jongin furrowed his brows.

“Why are we back here? Is there something you want to show me?”

The light flickered and then disappeared, leaving Jongin more confused and frustrated than before, With a sigh, he returned inside, not caring to close the door. He sat down hard on the thin cushioned sofa and put his head between his hands. There had to be something he was missing. All he had to go on were the memories in his head of the past lives and vague notions of how the contract worked. He laid back, mind racing for a solution, for any kind of hint of where Baekhyun had gone and before he knew it, he was asleep.

_ Baekhyun squirmed in his chair as the man painted him for the first time. It felt strange, like he was being sucked out of his body through a straw, but he couldn’t quite figure out why. He glanced at the portraitist with narrowed eyes before he finally spoke. _

_ “You’ve always been a bit different than the rest of your family, Baekhyun. You don’t seem to reject this process as much. Perhaps there is something more than what meets the eye,” the man said as he dipped his brush into the jar. _

_ The first stroke was excruciating, but Baekhyun gritted his teeth and bore it with a steely look in his eye. How could his father just sign away all their lives like this? Of course Papa Byun didn’t know that Baekhyun knew about the contract as Baekhyun had been lurking outside his parent’s door earlier that day when they were talking about it. But a contract with the devil? Who would do such a thing? _

_ When the man finished painting Baekhyun, his body felt strange. It was light as air and with the slightest movement he saw himself disappear into glittering particles that swirled out of the room and into the forest. He remembered preparing himself for the tribulations of Hell as his father had warned his mother about, but none of that happened. Instead, Baekhyun lingered in the forest, carried on the breeze until he was deposited into the portrait and climbed from the canvas, feeling rejuvenated. _

_ He met the man’s eyes as he straightened his sleeves and felt chilled to the bone at his smile. _

_ “Ah, yes, very different indeed.” _

 

By the time the tenth day had passed, Jongin found himself lingering in the doorway for the portrait room. He knew what he would find when he walked inside, and that was why he hesitated. He didn’t want to see the blackened faces of the Byun family and he especially did not want to see Baekhyun’s face marred beyond recognition. Because if he did then he knew it would mean everything had been final.

He had spent the whole day pacing and avoiding the holes in the floor, but somehow he would end up at this door. Even if the cabin was behaving as it was, it still had the ability to shift and change so that Jongin was in front of this door at all times. It was trying to show him something, but it was something that Jongin really did not want to see.

Just as he was about to turn away, a single flickering light drew his attention. He sighed and despite dreading what he would see, he figured he would give the cabin its dying wish. Jongin stepped across the threshold and the whole cabin began to shake. Bits of wood fell from the ceiling all around Jongin as he stared at the blank canvases on the walls. Not a single span of parchment had a mark on it. He spun around watching as the light flickered one more time before sending the room into darkness that swallowed him up and let the panic set in.

At the end of the room, the canvas began to glow, until its light filled the room with blinding brightness that it made Jongin squint his eyes. He tried to make out what was happening but as the light grew the shadows from outside must have caught on and soon the room was swirling with black and white locked into battle that did not seem to go well for the light.

They swelled and pierced each other, thrashing the room and sending planks of wood flying in every direction. Splinters bombarded Jongin and he shielded his face from the brunt of them, but then the pain started. The same pain that felt like his head was being split apart. It consumed him, filling all of senses until he could no longer feel anything but the searing.

He fell to his knees, voice lost in the wind whipping the portraits from the walls, sending them flying around and around until they shot through the walls, making the cabin shake even more. It was coming down all around him in large chunks. He narrowly avoided the largest pieces as he crawled to the other end of the room.

The shadows stormed around him, sucking the air and life from him until his vision danced with dots. He was so weak, but the light was retreating to the portrait and Jongin knew that he needed to follow it. It was primal instinct that told him that following the light would keep him alive. He struggled as he pulled himself up to his feet, his fingers passing over the portrait and slipping inside. For a second the shock rocked him and he blinked at the way he disappeared into the canvas but it was short-lived.

Warmth spread around his fingers and something brushed against them, latching on and pulling his arm all the way through. With no idea what it could possibly be, Jongin yanked back, but the grip was too strong and suddenly he was tumbling forward into the portrait and into arms that belonged to a man he thought had left him.

They landed on the floor, Jongin mostly in Baekhyun’s lap and Baekhyun leaning against the wall that housed the portrait. Tendrils of darkness snaked out but with a wave they shot back inside while Baekhyun clung to Jongin, obviously not ready to move just yet.

“I told you I’d come back for you,” Baekhyun said as he stroked Jongin’s hair with the most tender of touches. It was as if he thought Jongin would burst into dust before him if he pressed too hard and perhaps that exact thing had happened before.

Then, Baekhyun raised the lighter in his hand to the canvas until it caught fire. Together in stunned silence, they watched as it burned a single corner, flames lapping and eating away until there was nothing left but the frame of charred wood.

Jongin rubbed his eyes, clearing them of the bleariness and finally daring to speak for the first time. “What are you doing?”

He thought he had been dreaming. That somehow he had been transported back to another memory of another life, but everything felt so solid here, so real. Still, he was afraid that if he blinked just wrong, that the whole thing would melt away and he would be back in the dying cabin, surrounded by shadows until they sucked him inside their blackness.

Baekhyun let the lighter fall from his hands with a dull thud on carpeted floor and helped Jongin to his feet. He regarded him seriously for a moment before relief lit up his face like a thousand suns. “All these lives and I finally save you.”

“What are you talking about?” Jongin asked, still staring at the square that he had somehow been pulled through. His mind felt sluggish but there was something he desperately needed to remember before he could pay attention to Baekhyun’s words.

“The curse, Jongin, we’ve escaped it,” Baekhyun said, shaking Jongin lightly with a smile and tears streaming down his face. He kissed Jongin’s cheek and then pulled back. “We’re free.”

Finally, the events all came rushing into Jongin and he gaped at the burnt remains as a tremor worked its way through his body. It started at his neck making him roll it and then down his back and across his limbs at the same time causing his whole body to jolt which started Baekhyun who let his hand fall from Jongin to check him over once more.

So that was how it worked. Their souls were trapped in the canvas and forced to live a new life over and over. One of torture, one of pain, one that they could not escape from no matter how hard they tried until now. They were free. They were truly free and suddenly Jongin’s heart swelled.

Jongin looked around himself chest rising and falling rapidly, taking in the room he was in and then back to the silver haired Baekhyun standing in front of him. He felt as though he could not breathe right but this time it was from pure elation and excitement. Everything about this room was different. The floor was carpeted, the bed was a modern black leather headboard and crisp white sheets. Everything looked up to date and Jongin’s heart thudded loudly.

“Is this where you went when you said you left?” Jongin asked still glancing around the room. He saw nothing that marked it as Baekhyun’s but maybe there was a reason for that.

Baekhyun nodded, “I could only stay in the portrait for so long before they would consume me. But I knew that this time I’d be able to get you out.”

Jongin frowned, not completely understanding everything that was going on, but he knew Baekhyun would fill him in eventually. The more important thing was that somehow, against all odds they were together again and Jongin didn’t want that to ever change. They were destined to be together, curse or not. The thought electrified him and he turned back to Baekhyun and pulled him close.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked, wanting to feel that Baekhyun was real. He needed to know that this was real and not some fever dream brought upon him by the shadows draining him of his life.

Baekhyun’s answer was to simply close the distance of their faces and brush his lips over Jongin’s. He shuddered, eyes fluttering closed and murmured, “This is so much better here in this life.”

Jongin nodded and then deepened the kiss, letting himself inhale Baekhyun into his very being. He felt like the spring breeze that caressed him and that was when Jongin knew. He circled his arms around Baekhyun, press him flushed against him and begged for entrance, to really feel the man he loved.

A tiny moan swelled into more and soon the air was pregnant with soft sighs, and the melody of two people finally being able to indulge in their love for one another without the weight of the curse. Gone were the whispers of malice, replaced with gentle words of yearning and adoration. Gone were the shadows of sin that lurked in darkness, only to be scared away by a love so strong it burned them away.

~*~

Snow cascaded from above. Flakes danced and twirled languidly as the wind died down. The night sky was bespeckled with millions of stars and with every step Jongin took, there was a satisfying crunch. He brought his hands to his mouth exhaling on them and rubbing them together for warmth.

Beside him was Baekhyun, bundled up in his gray winter coat and muted scarf covering the bottom half of his face. Shadow bounded out in front of them, playing in the snow and Jongin smiled with cracked lips while a gentle chuckle left Baekhyun. They intertwined their gloved fingers together and continued walking through the forest.

It had been a quiet night for the both of them so they took a stroll through the woods until they both came across a strange path and decided to follow it, both wondering just what lay at the end. It wasn’t until they came across a cabin at the end of the path that they both froze, eyes growling owlish before Baekhyun called for Shadow and the three of them retreated back the way they came. They knew what lay within the cabin...

People weren’t meant to live forever, Jongin knew this. They would live long enough to see all the evils of the world or become that evil themselves. Yet, as Jongin gave Baekhyun’s hand a grateful squeeze, he also knew that perhaps living forever wouldn’t be all that bad if he had Baekhyun by his side. 

In another life Jongin had loved and lost Baekhyun. In another life Baekhyun had loved and lost Jongin. A cycle that never ended put them both through countless torment and tragedy all because of the sins of Baekhyun’s father. But Jongin knew now that all along Baekhyun had been the light that had guided him towards him in each life.

In this life, they finally had each other, with all the memories of their past and all the darkness of their secrets between them had been burned away by light. In this life, they were safe. In this life, they could grow old. In this life, they could live without fear. In this life, they could love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the mods for being so amazingly sweet and letting me change prompts to a self prompt and for being so patient with me. You guys are the absolute best <3 To my beta, you are a doll and a half! Thank you so much for reading it and catching my mistakes and lifting me up when I needed it. To my friends, N and A oh my god thank you guys so much for being alpha readers and for giving me love and encouragement because without you two I probably would've dropped the fest. N, I need to give you a special shout out because you listened to me whine and hate on this fic so much because I didn't know where it was going and was so worried it sucked but you kept my head up! Finally, thank you to the lovely readers who finished the fic! If you liked it please don't hesitate to drop a line or two in the comments or leave kudos, that kind of stuff keeps me going. ^^


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